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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    用文字治愈心靈

    2019-07-05 . 閱讀: 501 views

    文/刷子

    我看左岸多年,在心里打了很多腹稿,卻從未真正下筆去寫過什么。近期的瑣碎之事,各種壓力讓我有種喘不過氣的感覺,我開始逃避現實,逃到文字的世界里來表達我的憤懣,委屈,迷茫。文字的確是種好東西,讓你可以從別人的文章里找到慰藉,找到共鳴,找到希望;讓你可以擺脫現實,在自己虛構的空間里得到休息。

    我們總在聽老人的話,古人的哲學,心靈雞湯,這些話語,只有真正的經歷過才能夠明白其中的味道。

    我年近30歲,仍敏感而自卑;我年近30歲仍在讀書上學,經濟不能獨立;我年近30歲,仍舊像個孩子想要哭泣,可是卻再也沒有了可以陪我哭的人了。我應該成熟了,可我仍未長大。

    近期有好多師姐勸我直博,我拒絕了,卻又猶豫了。我2年后研究生畢業,意味著我上大學上了整整9年,三年專科,三年本科,三年研究生。我從來都不相信命運的偶然性,專升本時學校擴招,考研時所報的專業報考人數少,這是命運使然。它應該在推著我進步,推著我去一個我從未去過也從未想過的地方。

    雖然這是一件好事,可是對我來說卻成了一種負擔。父母雖然也支持我繼續讀博,可我認為在職博也一樣。

    我必須承認我的基礎的確比別人差,而且我的經濟支持全部自父母。我年近30歲,沒有理由讓父母繼續為我的未來付出。我不想再看到父母為了我上學那么辛苦的干活。

    父母總是希望自己的孩子好,他們雖然不是超人,卻一直是我的超人。在我累了、病了的時候,父母總是給我關心和安慰,讓我覺得我不是一個人在奮斗。父母說,不要報喜不報憂,不然他們會更擔心。我明白我一直都不是一個人。所以,出門在外的孩子要盡可能地給父母呈現一個真實的你,他們才會放心。

    特別喜歡struggle這個單詞,這簡直就是我最近的生活寫照。我每天從早上8點半開始做實驗到下午2點,整個實驗我做了3天,卻總是卡在第一步,實驗結果一直出錯,這種打擊讓我的心態幾次碎的稀巴爛,眼淚也不爭氣地在眼眶里打轉,但我仍然堅持做了第五次,在師姐們的幫助下,雖然實驗還沒得出我想要的結果,但是我想我應該算是成功了。

    在這個世界生存靠的并不是一個人的單打獨斗,還有別人的幫助。感謝師姐們對我的幫助!

    之前,我一直是個沒什么存在感的人,我說話別人會隨意打斷,但我卻無所謂。可是今天我卻要特意地矯情一下。

    今天讓我決心想好好反思一下自己心態的導火索是有個下鋪舍友要退宿,另外一個上鋪舍友連問我都沒有問一下,就說她要霸占下鋪。我自認我們的關系很好,依照我的性格我也不會跟別人爭什么,我也并不想住下鋪,可是我心里仍然希望她起碼要問我一句。雖然結果一樣,可是于我的意義卻會不同。

    不在沉默中爆發,就在沉默中滅亡。我知道,總有一天我要么會迸發出自己的憤怒,要么我就這樣忍一輩子。我明白我需要在我生活的環境里找一種自己感覺舒服的生活狀態,我決定不再小肚雞腸了,我有更多的事情要去完成,有很多的書要看,要在生活中慢慢地克服自己的敏感和自卑。雖然這樣看起來結果還是一樣,但現在不是被迫的選擇,而是我主動的不去計較。

    寫下這篇,是對自己心情的一次完整梳理,文字強大的治愈能力已經讓我打轉的眼淚消失了。

    左岸記:不開心的時候,選擇看一本書,邂逅文字,遇到與心靈共鳴的故事,這是自己治愈自己的能力;再進一步,將自己的心情寫下來,這是自己剖析自己,會發現這樣能讓自己將自己看得更清楚了。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 用文字治愈心靈

    1. 貴站這么多年持續更新,實屬不易

    2. 搞科研的確很辛苦,這種辛苦不只是體力上的,還有精神上的。今年9月步入博一生涯,這會兒已提前來到試驗地進行了一個多月的采樣等試驗。新地點新的人,有很多問題接連發生,但是開工沒有回頭箭,只能一個一個解決。時常告訴自己,要心態積極,熱愛科研,未來還有希望。希望自己能充實的過好每一天。

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