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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    還來得及做夢,是幸福的事情

    2019-06-01 . 閱讀: 493 views

    文/德叔

    我討厭意識流,我討厭玩弄文字,我討厭魔幻,但寶兒喜歡。

    “德哥,我做了一個夢……”

    “哦。”

    “很奇妙的夢!”

    “哦。”

    “我講給你聽吧!”

    “不忙,給我文字。”

    “好嘞……” 

    ***

    任何的顯現一定有存在的必然性,除非你不信。

    我回到一個住宅,應該是在常熟路與烏魯木齊路之間的某個地方,深窄的弄堂只有一排適合居住,另一排是臨街店鋪或者綠化之類。

    進去時跟朋友說,我太久沒來了。

    門口的報亭里的阿伯在看手機轉播的球賽,頭偏抬了一下說:回來啦。

    我心想,回來啦?我住過這里嗎?!

    一樓沒有住人,因為沒有水,我直接帶著朋友上了二樓。

    室外的樓梯是鐵做的,雖然我還沒有進屋,但我知道二樓室內的裝修結構,什么樣的沙發,沙發上面的呆燈,墻壁上掛著的圖畫,我知道這是我一手裝飾的。

    房東是老年夫婦,這個狹窄的弄堂都是他們家的,可以租給十幾戶人家。但我付過房租嗎?

    上樓時我就在琢磨,那么多衣服現在還能穿嗎?那么多自己珍藏的擺設物件,怎么我都忘記沒帶走呢?今天我怎么就回來了?很多的疑問在腦中盤旋,是房東阿婆打破了我的思緒。

    阿婆搬來一個簡易扶梯,麻利地往上爬,邊爬邊跟她老公嚷嚷:別擋著我,上面開了好多花兒,還有好多魚,你不看就別看,它們在等我呢……哎呀,不吃嘛,我先去找一下,不定怎么躲著呢?別燒煙囪啊,黑不溜秋的……

    阿婆不停地爬下爬下…好像一個蠕動的青色菜蟲子啃著菜葉,沒什么能阻止她不斷地上上下下……

    忽然被悟空吵醒,他call我下樓吃早餐,我點了白煮蛋,跟他說我知道那個地方,我確認,我確信。

    但我真的沒住過,我確認我去過不只三次了……悟空說:對啊,對啊,另一個你去那里的時候你就回去了一次呀……

    對了,有一天阿公說:小妹啊,有一對夫妻要租你房間的一樓,他們只用一樓,二樓他們不用,你看行不?你裝修好的我們也知道,你又不在這里居住也不常來,二樓是你弄出來的,我們也沒人上得去,你看好不?不收你的房租,他們付。

    是啊,這二樓我竟然租了有18年了,我要回上海去看看。

    阿婆有老年癡呆癥,阿公說:除了喜歡拿著梯子爬到房頂,什么也不記得了,隨她吧。

    除非你不信,阿婆長著一張跟我前夫的母親一模一樣的面孔。

    ***

    前幾日,聽了寶兒推薦的路易威登與Soundwalk公司合作的“城市漫步”系列。這趟聲音的旅行,包括香港、上海和北京三座城市,通過三位國際影星舒淇、陳沖和鞏俐的解說而體現出來。用眼睛聽,用眼睛觸摸,用眼睛去嗅,用眼睛思考這個時代,有這樣的作品,我很驚喜。

    沒有什么明顯的口音,只有一絲絲的地域味道,聲音緩急得當,富有節奏和韻律,極具畫面感。偶爾的背景聲音,真實到如臨其境。聲音里的 “看見”、“聞到”、“觸摸到”,“被打到”……那種感覺很奇妙,夢境一般。

    我喜歡寶兒的肆意真實,起碼在我這沒有那么多的面具和軀殼。和這樣的人打交道,不用那么多的技巧,不用眼睛。你的一生里,總是需要一些朋友,是那種不用眼睛去看,不用拿著刀子或技巧去一層層的剝、一層層的褪。

    每個人總覺得有另一個自己,因為總是有很多的不舍或悔意,每一次的選擇總想知道,如果“不這樣”那“會怎么樣”?這個故事,是寶兒說出來的,我轉換成文字。聲音是平靜,篤定,且陽光的,于是夢境顯得很真實。

    另一個“寶兒”?還是另一個“自己”?

    我不喜歡娓娓道來,那有些刻意。我喜歡別人說話,我想聽的時候聽一下,不想聽的時候,就聽不到。這個不像眼睛,你不想看的時候,需要閉眼。

    我努力修行到眼睛也可以這樣,這讓我很舒服,想看的時候看到,不想看到的時候看不到,雖然我很在意“看見”。

    ***

    還來得及做夢,在還能做夢的時候,我篤定這是幸福的事情。

    你做了夢,先鄙視了自己,然后卻無人可訴說,這個事情很悲哀,多半你活得很憋屈,心理異常的扭曲。

    其實我的聲音也不錯,但我卻緊緊地閉著嘴,碼字。

    左岸記:能安安心心地睡覺,是一件幸福的事;而睡覺后可以做做各種稀奇古怪的夢,也是一件幸福的事;醒來后,發現夢竟然會有歸處,更是一件幸福的事。那些醒來能將夢境描述得清清楚楚的人是想象力特別豐富的人。

    德魯伊Druid

    德魯伊,70后。理工科碩士,喜歡寫作,職業經理人。 人入中年,攜妻帶子,止思踐行,與世界融洽、與自己坦然,充滿快樂生活的勇氣。 “質樸、靈動、喜悅、淡和”是為人生準則,“于人有用,于己有趣”是為人生標準。 文風以毀雞湯、靜心冥想、兒童教育、心理應用等見長。 著有: 《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版), 《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得 2》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版), 《沒走過的是路,走過的才是人生》(心智成熟心理學作品,作家出版社出版), 《在疲憊的世間任性的活》(散文雜文集,文匯出版社)

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