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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    抱怨根本的原因出在錯誤的比較上

    2019-04-30 . 閱讀: 1,171 views

    文/廖超國

    阿里馬云說:“永不抱怨的人生態度才是第一位的”。可我們許多人,卻經常抱怨。面對工作,抱怨壓力太大;面對家庭,抱怨煩惱太多;面對社會,抱怨世風日下;面對變化,抱怨命運不公。總之,他們總能找到抱怨的事,而且還覺得振振有詞。偶然的抱怨屬于情緒宣泄的一個出口,情有可原,倘可理解。但若不分時機,不講場合,經常性的抱怨就是問題了。那是一種病態心理,一種不良的習慣,一種人生的負能量。一旦這種習慣養成,既傷害自己又影響別人。我們必須引起高度注意,自覺克服,遠離抱怨,積極生活。

    經常抱怨的人之所以抱怨,其原因很多很復雜,但我以為主要有兩個方面。一是不會積極的對待生活,二是不會正確的比較。

    不會積極的看待生活,主要是認知和心態出了問題。愛抱怨的人沒有學會正確的看待事物,發現不了生活的美好,對自己擁有的不珍惜、不知足、不感恩。事物有自身的存在方式,其結果總是一定的,但我們對待事物的態度卻是由我們的心態可以調整的。正如莎士比亞在《哈姆雷特》中所說的那樣,“世上本無所謂好壞,皆思想所然”。當我們面對不快時,換一個角度看問題,結論就可能完全相反。

    不會正確的比較就是總愛用自己沒有的去和人家有的比,拿自己的短處比人家的長處,越比越氣,越比越惱,最后比出嫉妒羨慕恨。弄得自己長吁短嘆,怨天憂人,總不開心。

    其實學會正確的比較是人生的一門藝術,是使生活變得快樂的一種方法。是一種達觀的人生態度,甚至可以說,是一種人生的智慧。人,總是會與別人比得,這是人性使然。但怎么比卻表現了駕馭生活能力的高低。

    抱怨根本的原因還是出在錯誤的比較上。正確的比較是人生快樂的源頭,不正確地比較是人生悲劇的開始。

    美國第23屆總統富蘭克林·羅斯福是一位傳奇人物,他是美國歷史上任期最長的總統。他“把自己從輪椅上舉起,把整個國家自屈服中解放”。他被歷史學家和政治學家一致譽為與華盛頓、林肯并肩齊名的美國歷史上最偉大的三位總統之一。他的很多故事流傳久遠。其中有一則家中被盜故事,對我們學會如何正確的比較很有啟迪和幫助。

    相傳,有一次羅斯福家被盜,損失慘重。一位朋友聞訊后,忙寫信安慰他,羅斯福在回信中寫道:“親愛的朋友,謝謝你來信安慰我,我現在很好,感謝上帝:因為第一,賊偷去的是我的東西,而沒有傷害我的生命;第二,賊只偷去了我部分東西,而不是全部;第三,最值得慶幸的是,做賊的是他,而不是我。”對任何一個人來說,被盜絕對是不幸的事,但羅斯福卻從另一個角度,找到了不抱怨而是感恩的三條理由。

    作家史鐵生,曾調侃自己的職業是生病,寫作只是業余的。他寫過一篇《生病的經驗是一步步懂得滿足》的文章。其中寫道:“發燒了,才知道不發燒的日子多么清爽。咳嗽了,才體會到不咳嗽的嗓子是多么安詳。剛坐上輪椅時,我老想,不能直立行走豈非把人的特點搞丟了?便覺得天昏地暗。等到又生出褥瘡,一連數日只能歪七扭八地躺著,才看見端坐的日子其實多么晴朗。后來又患尿毒癥,經常昏昏然不能思想,就更加懷戀起往日時光。終于醒悟:其實每時每刻我們都是幸運的,因為任何災難的前面都可能再加一個‘更’字。”你的抱怨是因為你不知道不好的后面還有更壞的結果。一旦你明白了,你就不會抱怨的,只會慶幸當下的最好。人生無常,明天和意外誰先到來,誰也說不清楚。

    所以,俄國著名作家契訶夫教導我們說:“如果你手上扎了一根刺,那你應該高興才對,幸虧不是扎在眼晴里。”我們應該學會正確地對待生活中的小不幸,學會正確的比較。當我們還在為丟了一雙鞋而憂郁的時候,我們應該看到還有人沒有腳。比起那個口里說著“春天來了,而我卻看不到她”的沿街乞討的盲人,進一步說比起那些失去了生命和自由的人,目前能這樣健健康康、快快樂樂、自自由由地活在這個世界上,誰說不是一種命運的恩賜?我們還有什么理由抱怨呢?我們應當感恩才是。我們活著的這一天是多少人向往而不得的一天啊!

    當我們抱怨自己吃得不夠好時,我們應該想想那些在垃圾中尋找食物的乞丐;當我們抱怨自己住的房子不夠大時,我們應該去看看寒冷的街邊無家可歸的人;當我們抱怨妻子不夠溫柔,我們應該聽聽一位丈夫被妻子罵得豬狗不如;當我們抱怨丈夫不會賺錢的時,我們應知道還有人的丈夫躺在病床上;當我們抱怨自己的孩子成績不好時,我們應想想還有好多人正為沒有孩子發愁著呢;當我們抱怨自己的工作不如意時,我們應想想那些失業在家而沒找到工作的人。

    只有這樣比較,我們的幸福感才會油然而生,會心生感激。此刻,我們真的是幸福的,我們不應當抱怨,應該感恩才對。應該明白,我們的生活幸虧沒有更壞,而世界上的任何事情其實都有更壞的可能。但是,我們真的很幸運,感謝命運,我們的生活是如此美好。心懷感恩,我們才會珍惜,充滿感激,我們才會知足。

    常懷感恩之心,我們才會有報恩之心;常懷感恩之心,我們才會忽略生活中的那些不盡人意;常懷感恩之心,我們才會自責自己內心的狹隘,懺悔自己的過錯;常懷感恩之心,我們才會原諒那些生活中那些與我們發生了不快的人;常懷感恩之心,我們才會知足的活著不抱怨。

    我們可以追求更好的生活,但不可以抱怨生活,我們可以更加積極努力讓生活更好,但唯獨不能抱怨生活。因為,我們是幸運的,對于幸運的人,還有什么理由抱怨呢?

    抱怨不好是因為不知道還有更壞。

    2019年4月20日寫于南湖之畔水域天際

    左岸記:大家看完,不知能不能感受到作者的良苦用心?因為在這個欲望的世界,叫人要知足常樂會被人說成是不思進取;叫人盲目樂觀會被人說成阿Q。我們換一種思路,不比更壞,而比更好,如何?就比如,如果我們沒有我們身邊的人成功,那要比的是我們沒有人家努力,或者運氣沒有人家好,底子沒有人家厲害,那么結果應該是我們應該更加努力呀,我要多攢運氣,我們要為以后多打底子。這樣想,是不是就一切了然了呢?

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 抱怨根本的原因出在錯誤的比較上

    1. 同樣是技術實習生,人家起點比我高,會的比我多,底子也比我好,我第一反應是如果我也有那運氣讀那么好的技術學校,我也可以比別人好,可惜一切都是命運的安排,只能隨遇而安,努力學習才是我的出路,把自己不會的補回來就行啦,打好人際關系,偷師補拙,如果別人愿意教也是一個非常棒的過程。

    2. 現在的人太浮躁,這篇文章把抱怨講得很通透,

    發表評論



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