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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    學會原諒自己,我們會更加強大

    2019-04-24 . 閱讀: 1,324 views

    /阿正

    曾經以為多學一些技能,提高個人的生存能力,就是成長。

    曾經以為多讀些書,多懂的些道理,內化到個人行為和思維模式中就是成長。

    曾經以為多交一些朋友,多增長一些見聞,對這個大千世界多一些了解就是成長。

    殊不知其實成長最為重要的不是外部的這些見聞或是道理,而是內心狀態的調整。

    反思近半年的個人經歷,遭受過外部的批評,也挑起過事端,有過正面語言沖突,也有過因情緒控制不好影響到了工作和生活。

    來自外部的消極信息大致可分為兩類。一類是因為雙方認知基礎不同導致溝通不一致進而引發誤會產生;二類是因為我個人的溝通、協調、高度、責任等方面有所欠缺而引發的一些消極聲音。

    第一類問題是因為信息不一致導致的溝通一致性的問題,這類問題通過優化溝通方式、做好信息同步以及做好情緒管理其實就可以逐步的得到改善;因為這類問題大多是在特殊的環境、團隊下產生的,我們去做我們影響圈的事情來影響整體就好了。

    第二類問題就比較嚴重,說嚴重并不是具體案例問題的嚴重性,而是對個人心態的影響。這類問題的特點是,認識到自己的問題固然是好事,但同時也帶來了自責,自我懷疑。以往的進步會使你擁有充分的自信,以及習慣了外界的認可,當某一天,外界不認可的聲音涌入你的內心,而你的內心也真的認為自我有問題時,內心的防護就會崩潰,就會開始失落,自信開始銳減,進而影響你對外輸出的質量,對外輸出的質量越差,外界涌入的消極聲音也會更加洶涌,繼續摧殘著那僅有的一點自信,直至完全耗盡,開始懷疑人生、懷疑自我,繼續自我否定,甚至開始自我逃避。

    但是當你選擇自我逃避時,發現自己也無處可逃。逃避了這一次,那下一次遇到這種情況又該怎么辦呢,今天遇到張三逃避了,那明天遇到李四難不成要繼續逃避。就像開車一樣,遇到紅燈我們就右轉(大多數情況右轉不受信號燈限制),那我們一直在逃避紅燈,那我們就會一直在右轉,一直在轉圈圈,根本就沒有進步,難道我們要這樣過一輩子?做一個逃避的人?

    現在教育孩子的方式是,孩子跌倒了,作為父母不會去扶,而是讓他自己站起來,也不要怪地面不平,而是怪自己不小心,下次自己要注意。那如果我們自己去逃避,那我們有什么資格和那幼小的孩子講“要不怕挫折,跌倒了要站起來”呢?自己做不到的事情,怎么有臉面去教導別人甚至自己的孩子去做到呢?

    所以逃避不是辦法,既然無路可退,那就直接面對問題。就像在拳臺上一樣,對手已經站在了你的面前,而且這個對手就是比你強,比賽也已經開始了,想不參加比賽、或是等準備好了再開始比賽,想這些都已經沒有意義,這個時候唯一要做的、也是唯一能做的就是面對你的對手,盡全力去比賽,爭取勝利。哪怕是遍體鱗傷,或是接受失敗結果,那也是必須要做的,別無選擇。

    在生活中也是同樣的道理,當下個人能力有缺陷,那我們首先必須要做到的是原諒自己的不足,正視自己的缺點,這樣我們就不會自怨自艾,自我否定。而是要認識到這是一個人自然的成長過程,我們把自怨自艾、自我否定統統拋棄掉,然后找到解決辦法,比如情緒控制、人際溝通,我們知道自己當下是有問題需待改善,也不會一下就做的很好,但是我們去做,就是要去做,一點一滴不斷地去優化。這個時候縱然外界有消極的聲音涌入到我們的內心,我們也會原諒自己,不再自我否定、自我懷疑、自怨自艾,而是認為我就是有這個問題,但是我正在做優化,我需要一個過程。所以首先要做到自己原諒自己。

    而后就是特別珍惜周邊的朋友和同事對你的幫助、理解、認可和建議,這樣你會迅速重新建立你的自信,恢復你前進的動力,恢復你對外輸出的正常水平。

    然后就是對自己的優勢劣勢進行重新梳理,優勢繼續保持,繼續優化。不足的地方,要爭取更多的機會鍛煉,收集外界的反饋,持續地改善。正視自己表現得差強人意的地方,接受自己的不足,持續去改善,這樣相信結果一定會越來越好。

    最后總結一下,以往的成功給我們建立了充分的自信和自尊,當個人遇到能力的瓶頸期時,剛開始是無法接受外界的質疑的,那時會影響自己的自信和前進的動力,直至自信消耗殆盡、自我懷疑,消極地對待周圍的一切。所以,當發現自己無路可退時,就要重新站起來,學會原諒自己、正視自己的缺點和問題,接受現實中因自己的缺陷和問題引發的消極反饋。繼續保持已有的優勢和正常的對外輸出,在生活和工作中不斷的去注意、改善自己的缺陷和問題就好了,持續優化,給自己一個轉換的時間周期,相信未來不會太差。

    讀書、交友可以增長見聞,不斷的優化自我,這是量的提升。但是當現實將你的臉直接按到污泥時,你開始會一蹶不振,自我質疑,自我否定,周圍的世界一片黑暗。但是當滿身污泥的你決定重新站起來時,頓時發現整個世界其實是更加的美好,前進的動力也會更加如虎添翼。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 學會原諒自己,我們會更加強大

    1. 點贊

    2. 學會讀懂自己,學會原諒自己,學會鼓勵自己

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