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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    思念從前慢

    2019-04-10 . 閱讀: 633 views

    文/讀博在四方

    小區的桃花開了。花瓣就像一夜之間被糊上去的一般,滿枝滿枝的不留更多縫隙,高興的蜜蜂們不知道從哪朵開始采起才好。白天人來人往,嘈嘈雜雜,更有伸手折一枝下來逗孩子和自己玩的,估計想著把春天更貼近到眼前看一看,卻也把四五天的那一枝的花期壓縮到了一兩分鐘之間,然后就被丟到地上或者草叢里,再也沒有人搭理了。

    妹妹之前說,老家里已經很熱了,去她負責的柜臺邊咨詢導購的內容都已經轉向涼鞋了,時間上這才四月初。不過想起去年4月底不到,莊里溫度已經超越30度,大家熱得都穿短袖的事情,在極端天氣發生頻次和范圍不斷突破舊有認知的當下,也見怪不怪了。從地理上看,莊里的緯度比北京低那么一些,道理上同時期的溫度會更高一點的呢。然而,爺爺南園里的植物大約并不會這么想。

    爺爺的南園修筑在背陰的地方,除了早升西落的陽光有機會斜斜地普照,到了光照和熱度最強的午間,因為南坡的遮擋反而陰涼了。他花了很多年的時間修繕圍墻,養護各類樹木,圍墻里的花椒,圍墻外的白楊,南屋門口的葡萄,園子靠西邊的果樹。他自己栽植和嫁接的桃和杏,也到了今年份的盛放時期了,只是他已經走了整整七年。

    賈平凹在《寫給母親》一文開篇說,人活著的時候不覺得,人一旦死了,日子就堆積起來。是的,二千五百多天就這么輕易地拋在了身后,如果他還活著,今年不過也才七十八歲。村里的老姑奶奶今年已經創紀錄地一百零二歲了,還有其他兩位近百歲的老人。在他們面前,如果爺爺還活著,也還是小歲數的一輩,可惜人間沒有如果。

    過去的日子可以在記憶里壓縮到沒有間隙,思緒得以直接飄回到那一年的今天。北京下完了突然來襲的一場春雪后剛晴不久,校園里遍地都是濕乎乎的,教五樓周邊的矮松頂上還留著雪帽。午飯后我往實驗室走,路上接到父親的電話,對面哽咽的聲音傳遞的是他去世的消息。放下電話時,除了想著趕緊請假往家趕,更覺得天氣冷嗖嗖的難以抵抗。

    回想之前寒假里的求醫問診和求神問卜,疾病的程度在不同轉述中偏輕了。開始給了大家帶來的些許安慰,但隨著就癥過程的推進,疾病的真相猙獰地走到前臺。那些放輕松的情緒,一下子消失在正月末的醫療數據結果里。隨后化療來得快而密集,疼痛卻在其上加倍向他襲來。

    家人們還要有所隱瞞,告訴他是胃炎一類。爺爺一輩子心思縝密,怎么會讓安慰之語蒙哄過關呢? 只是他也沒想到會去得那么快,因為他不久前還跟奶奶說要活到佬佬那個歲數就好了,實在還想看看這個社會的變化,然而天不假年。不治之癥面前,我們沒得選擇。李治中博士在演講中說,科學技術進步的目的不是簡單地消滅癌癥,而是要把癌癥轉換為慢性病治療,提高生存的質量。讓后來聽到的我,感慨不已,希望這一天能夠早點到來。

    又在春天了,過了清明。時間或許已經淡化了悲傷,卻也連綿不斷地拉長了思念。不久前設置的日歷提醒顯示在手機頁面上,伴隨著提醒音的是一瞬間入心的想念,我信手寫下的些許文字,寄希望讓字符迢迢傳遞情感,獻到那塊墻根邊果樹下的墓冢前。

    好多話說了好多遍,好多話也是多好話。無論如何,望各自珍重,不輕言辜負。

    左岸記:想來,爺爺在那邊,依然會在生活的地方種上各種花木果樹。熱愛生活的人對世界有著無限的創造,哪怕他離開了,那些美好的東西卻會一起延續著,給人希望。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    發表評論



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