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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    春天里的失戀

    2019-04-05 . 閱讀: 522 views

    文/張海琴

    春日的陽光透過窗戶散落在我的小床上,映射得我睜不開眼,此時的我慵懶無比,沉重,焦灼,負面情緒壓抑著我。

    是的,我失戀了?!我搜索失戀的準確含義:一般意義上所謂的“失戀”是指一個癡情人被其戀愛對象拋棄。所以我追問自己是否對這個人癡情過?答案是不確定的。

    和Q先生經過三個月的戀愛就悄無聲息地結束了,對Q先生的印象里,這個人雖步入中年,卻單純如一,沒有過多的繁文縟節,眼里更是沒有傲慢與偏見。我對他傾慕不已。

    可是后來分手時Q先生的告白詞卻讓我對他有了顛覆性的認知。我理性地在想,是否每個人經歷過失戀后都對對方有如此反差性大的認知?也許不是,上段戀情的L先生因為要轉業回老家,我們在分別的前一天互道珍重,并鼓勵對方以后努力生活。

    Q先生提出我的工作單位不如他,我的出身因為在農村,也不和他匹配,還有教育背景等都和他有沖突,更非常直白地告訴我很久以前就不喜歡我了。蒼白而有力的語言,沖擊著我對愛情的信念。也沖擊著我對人生的態度。我的人格受到了侮辱性的傷害。

    此后的很多天我陷入崩潰邊緣,我不忍心曾付出真愛的情感變得如此狼狽不堪。于是,我用簡單的話語做了一個掩蓋,掩蓋這段戀情的種種不堪,沒有吵,沒有鬧,跑回家里果斷地刪除了他的微信。

    其實,試圖通過刪除聯系方式來忘記某個人,是最自欺欺人的事情。也曾想讓他留在那里,把自己傷得鮮血淋漓體無完膚,也許直到有一天,覺得再無回頭的可能,就覺得真的應該走了。就像人們說的,“失望是一點一點積累的,離開是很長的決定。”

    人們也常說有'緣無份,殊不知都曾留戀過,只是不在同一個時間。人生最大的遺憾莫過于此,我們想要顧盼生情,卻錯過了回頭的時間。

    徜徉在這片藍色暖日里,空氣變得凝重而傷感,人的情感變得脆弱不堪。不管了,不管了,我已無瑕顧及其它,帶著這片憂傷重新上路,頭頂的陽光會給予我最溫暖的陪伴。

    枕邊放著三毛全集,隨便翻開一頁,上面寫到“我雖然在撒哈拉沙漠,但因為有荷西在身邊,我的眼前繁華似錦”。往后余生,愿我們都能擁有這樣的愛情,愿清貧無患,愿歲月相守!

    左岸記:原下面這篇很多人都聽過的保羅.科埃略寫的故事能給作者一點啟示。這世界最珍惜的東西是愛,真正的愛是值得,是真誠地去愛,并彼此為之而努力。

    《一顆不開花的種子》

    作者:保羅.科埃略

    Maria Emilia Voss,一個前往圣地牙哥的朝圣者,告訴我下面的故事。

    大約公元250年的古代中國,某國的一位太子即將加冕皇位。然而,按照法律,在這之前,他必須先結婚。

    因為這是選擇未來的皇后,所以太子需要找一位他完全可以信賴的女子。聽取了一位智者的意見,他決定召集齊全國所有年輕的女子,以發現最合適的那一位。

    一個在宮里服侍多年的老夫人,聽到這個消息后,非常傷心。她的女兒暗戀著太子。

    老夫人回到家里,把事情告訴女兒。使她更擔心的是,女兒愿意到宮里去應征。

    老夫人絕望了。

    “但是,女兒,你還能做什么呢?全國最富有最美麗的女孩都會去那兒。這個念頭太瘋狂了!我知道你很痛苦,但不要因為痛苦而瘋狂。”

    女兒回答:

    “我親愛的母親,我不痛苦,也沒瘋。我知道我不會被選中,但這是我能在太子身邊呆上一小會的唯一的機會。而那將使我幸福,雖然我知道等待我的是完全不同的命運。”

    那個晚上,年輕的女人們來到皇宮,所有最美麗的女孩都在那,穿著最漂亮的衣服,戴著最漂亮的珠寶,她們愿意付出一切,去抓住這個寶貴的機會。

    在官員的簇擁下,太子宣布了選妃的方案。

    “我會給你們每個人一粒種子。六個月后,那個帶著最美麗的花回到這里的年輕女孩,將成為中國未來的皇后。”

    女孩接過她的種子,播在一個花盆里。她不太懂種花,她以驚人的耐心和細心侍弄泥土。她相信,如何花兒能夠像她的愛一樣越長越大,她就無須擔心最后的結局。

    三個月過去,種子沒有發芽。年輕的女孩想盡了所有的辦法。她向花農和農民請教,他們教她所有種花的方法,但無濟于事。她感到她的夢想一日日遠去,雖然她的愛一如既往。

    最后,六個月到了,她的花盆里什么也沒有。她沒什么可以奉獻,但她知道這段時間她所付出的努力有多大,所以她告訴母親她會在約定的日期約定的時間回到宮里。她在內心明白,這是看到她的愛人的最后的機會,她不能失去這個機會,即使拿整個世界跟她交換。

    謁見太子的日子到了。女孩帶著她的沒有花的花盆,她看到其他所有的女孩都有驚人的成果,她們手中的花,無論是形狀還是色彩,一朵比一朵可愛動人。

    最后,期待已久的時刻來臨來臨。太子進來了,他仔細又溫存地看過每一個女孩手中的花。之后,他宣布結果,他選擇了那個傭人的女兒做他的妻子。

    其他所有的女孩開始抗議,說他選擇的是唯一一個什么也沒種出的女孩。

    太子冷靜地解釋了他的理由。

    “這個年輕的女人是唯一一個種出了使她成為皇后的花的女人——誠實之花。我給你們的種子是不育的,不可能種出任何東西。”

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    1 Comments On 春天里的失戀

    1. 我看見無數殘缺的人渴望被愛情填滿,卻讓那殘缺在愛情面前更加醒目。愛,是心甘情愿地分享自身的完整。情,是渴望被契合的觀念。愛和情,本身就是一對矛盾

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