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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    靈感的消亡史

    2019-03-19 . 閱讀: 517 views

    文/鄒近夫

    春風二月,佇立在江岸,雖然沒有煙雨朦朧的意境,也沒有流連忘返的鐘聲,但誠覺世間一切極其溫柔。

    夕陽從中山北路的舊高樓引身而下,投在盡顯嫵媚的柔波里,連礁石都跟著搖晃,照見剛剛抽新芽的楊柳,太像一個迷人的姑娘。我看見擺渡人,看見打撈的渡船,看見垂目養神的釣翁,還看見輕觸漣漪的少女......

    靈感忽然像夕陽一樣包圍了我,那些美的、充滿哀愁的故事。慢慢的,情節中的人物徑自向我走來。

    擺渡人說,城的東邊以前不是一片荒蕪。那兒有不止晨鐘暮鼓,天空的顏色還會隨季節不同而變化,有蔚藍的,碧空如洗,也有薄荷綠的,充滿生機,有紫紅的,絢爛奪目,也有昏黃的,盡顯寂寥。每每這時,便有一地姑娘踏岸洗衣,也有一群小孩玩泥。

    后來,那些小孩似乎都生出了翅膀,飛過了海洋,飛過了群山,美麗的姑娘也去了遠方。寂寞把這里包圍得水泄不通,希望,從這里生長出來的希望,再也不見。如今,晝夜不分,誰知道她們去了哪里?如果有一天他們再回來,請把從前告訴他們。

    岸邊吹來一颼涼風,我似乎看到了他說的往事,也看見了繽紛色彩的天空,但仲春的陽光太冷清,凝結在河面上的寒汐步步逼近,我向后退了兩步。只見一個白發釣翁凝視前方,魚鰾在水波中蕩漾,散筐里似乎什么都沒有。我料想他希望用最沉默的方式,把捉摸不定的秘密訴說給我聽,可我最終沒有領悟出更深刻的東西。

    這時,一個風度翩翩的少年,拿著地圖向我走來。我當他是問路,遂自覺低下頭,這座城市對我而言也是相當陌生,然而他只為了陳述一項尚未完成的旅游計劃。看得出來,他渴望流浪,眼里有對未知的疑惑和百般好奇。他說一年又來,時間被工作任務填得滿滿當當的,要去的地方成了云煙。如果明年再來,生活感覺會不會有所相同?舍棄對他而言似乎是一種難以割舍的痛苦,他不愛現在的生活方式,可他只能妥協。

    斷黑時分,從河提走來一個年輕人。他目光呆滯,雙臂低垂,像一個對生活失去信念的人那樣,一步一搖晃地看著前方。正當我想離開時,他已比劃著手勢走到我跟前。年輕人說,年前一些舊友信誓旦旦要去創業,眼下春天將盡,夏天似來,那些創業的人竟然音信全無。原來他們只是閑聊時光而已,并沒有真的要去創業,但當時的情景簡直到了只欠東風的地步。如今回想,卻像是好久以前。恰巧那個挽起衣襟的少女有著相同的經歷,她說,參加高中同學婚禮時,二人講定每月至少聯系一次,如今依然像往年一樣,各自過著各自的生活,慢慢地,那種期待和興奮變得滑稽,甚至不愿被打擾,也許那一頭,她也和我一樣。

    忽然想起自己年前曾和母親講定的事情,不覺感到無比羞愧。也不由得想起過年那天,本來打算回家喝醉,然后到祖父的床上酣睡一覺,我相信我能感受到那一份從來不向人提及的酸楚和孤獨。可世事不如人愿,我只能站在佘湖橋頭,遙望大雪封山的白馬嶺。猶記得當時擬定了一個題目,《三十歲才認清什么是真正迷惘飄零的生活》。時過境遷,我也如同他們所說的舊友和高中同學一般可笑。趁他兩同病相憐之機,我妄圖脫身,可靈感始終纏繞著我。

    波光瀲滟的蒸水,悄悄地匯入了湘江,江河中忙著捕撈的渡船,似乎也沒分清水的流向。

    左岸記:
    經歷過的往事
    會留下美好
    也會留下傷痕
    我們的靈魂
    正是因為這些傷與痛的沉淀
    才變得越來越動人
    走過的歲月
    會留下一片海的歌聲

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    1 Comments On 靈感的消亡史

    1. 回憶如糖亦斷腸

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