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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    破繭成蝶,美麗綻放

    2019-03-17 . 閱讀: 848 views

    文/勿忘心安

    這一刻,我沒有照鏡子,身上的衣服也沒多華麗,因最近瑣事忙碌熬夜皮膚也無多好,而我卻能感覺到,此時的自己,很美。

    【愛情篇】

    我愛過三個男人。

    1.戛然而止的青春

    第一個,是我暗暗喜歡,而他也追了我好幾年的男生。喜歡他是我豆蔻年華的秘密,連最好的閨蜜那時都從未提及。默默喜歡他十年,因為喜歡他,所有其他的男生在我眼中都只是匆匆過客。而在與他偶然重逢的那一剎那,市儈庸俗的銅臭男,徹底毀滅了我對他的所有期待。于是,從那一天起,我決定不再喜歡他了。

    2.遠離的成人毒藥

    第二個,是我的第一個男人。他也許一開始都不是我最愛的,但卻在那時成為了我的最愛。愛中帶著許多的無奈。而他確是那個此生看來對我最好的男人。只是那種不求上進的懶惰男人,終究不是我的歸宿。他愛我最深,也傷我最深。

    3.相守的愛與責任

    第三個,便是我的愛人。他是那個一度讓我認為是上天派來疼愛我的守護星。曾經所有的苦楚想起來均是浪漫,而我也心甘情愿為他付出。當我獨自承受了因選擇他生活賦予我的苦難,眼淚寫成了詩,而后凍結。當我被生活逼迫成為一個堅韌的強人,不再是那個曾經溫柔似水的女人時,我們的愛已然支離破碎。

    用情時,我往往很深。而說再見時,我也一向很決裂。唯獨對他,我最后一個愛人,我總是還是心存不舍。也許是因為家庭,因為婚姻,因為孩子的牽絆,我也曾這樣認為。然而我終于找到答案了,都有關聯,但最重要的是,我曾經那么那么深愛著他,而且,直至現在,我也一直沒有放下過對他的愛,不然我不會那么在乎他,不會忍受著那么多的委屈,含淚吞著心酸。

    因為愛,所以痛。

    這一夜,我決定和你重新開始。給自己也給你一次,也是最后一次機會。畢竟人生并不長,我希望遵從自己的內心。

    4.感恩背后的你

    第四種男人,我必須記住你。原本以為在我的生命中,那不過是個如影相隨的追隨者,而且還是我討厭的某某。而在我最困難的每個時段,他總會想盡一切辦法盡能力去幫到我。他說只有得知我安全,才會安心。不求任何回報,只為曾經相遇的觸動,他便堅持默默在背后守護。感恩有你。

    【性格篇】

    我出生在一個并不富裕,但愛富足的家庭。從小父母的疼愛甚至偏愛,讓我倍感幸福,驕傲自滿。于是一個蠻橫公主,脾氣驕躁,沖動固執,就這樣折磨了她的家人前半生。在外人看來,她開朗活潑,能言善辯,接人待物端莊大方。而只有她和她的家人知曉,多么地拙劣。她曾無數次與父母言語頂撞,把壞脾氣的根源也都歸結于無能的父母,沖動地決定一次次挑戰他們的極限,傷了他們的心。

    多少次她想下決心改掉自己的臭脾氣,可屢屢失敗。她以為,此生已毀。

    也許是在上一次她心疼自己的孩子差點崩潰,臥床不起。那一次,她暗暗下決心,必須改掉自己這一身的壞脾氣,那比毒藥還毒,滲透五臟六腑。曾試過很多次,想克制憤怒都以失敗告終。而就在那趟被自私強勢的公婆間接趕出鄉下屋門,飄著鵝毛大雪沒有任何行李坐上了不知要去往哪個站的綠皮火車。那一次,原本想從此消失,卻再一次自救重生了。原來,所有的一切,不是你要遏制,而是去接納。當你接納、順應,多去理解、體諒。雖然是那句老掉牙的話語,當真要感謝那些折磨你的人和事,沒有那些歷煉,就沒有今天的你。

    【生命篇】

    離死亡最近的那年,是二十來歲,正青春。第二年,工作攢下的錢全部用于媽媽的病。在腫瘤醫院里,見證了所謂奇跡,也見證了摧殘與絕望。我幸運地保全了媽媽,而我閨蜜沒那么幸運,失去了爸爸。我有個很好的哥們同學,至今生死未卜。還有我身邊的親戚,同學,朋友,陸續傳來噩耗。直到后來,我會隔段時間問候我覺得重要的朋友,只要你們安好便是晴天。

    然而,我還是太幸福,所以才太脆弱。九旬的奶奶無疾而終,而逝去已快一年,我卻都不敢面對奶奶的墓碑,我寧愿打印彩色照片留在身邊,我很懼怕那種變黑白漸漸消失的感覺。

    但這一夜,忽然之間,我發現我開悟了。我可以接受了。包括終有一天,我也會不再那么幸運,父母也終將會離我遠去。命運誰也無法阻攔,而我能做的,便是當下,彌補自己犯過的錯。雖然永遠都無法償還他們養育的恩情,也無法掩蓋自己之前不孝的罪過,只要他們在世一天,但愿能多孝順多一天。

    總是記得媽媽曾說過,人不是為自己而活,要為愛你的和你愛的人好好活著。是的,生命的存在是一份責任,而這一切都源于最最重要的便是,真摯的愛。

    生命太無常,珍惜當下的點點滴滴。

    ——

    淚水映著月光照亮了已入世三十年卻仍然稚嫩善良的臉龐。忽然覺得自己好美,無與倫比。

    其實我們都一樣。你也同樣可以破繭成蝶,美麗綻放~

    左岸記:人生若只如初見,何事秋風悲畫扇。這是一句太心酸的話,多少人在相遇時是種種的美好,卻在后來的經歷中被磨滅得一點不剩。這是因為在人生變化當中,少了“破繭成蝶,美麗綻放”的蛻變,而是隨波逐流,無可奈何,最后凄凄慘慘戚戚。開悟的過程就是一個剖析自己的過程,敢于直面問題,敢于挑戰不可能,積極樂觀地去生活。這樣就能遇見“等閑識得東風面,萬紫千紅總是春”的自己。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 破繭成蝶,美麗綻放

    1. 破繭成蝶,美麗綻放 只會綻放的哪刻,哪刻很短

    2. 是的,人不應該只為自己而活,而要為愛的人而活。很多時候,領悟只是一瞬間的事,我們所做的很多改變不是因為妥協或是害怕,而是因為愛。

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