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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    逆境其實是生命的常態

    2019-03-10 . 閱讀: 1,176 views

    文/北水

    坊間有句俗話叫“人生不盡如人意事十有八九”。初想起覺得很悲哀,人生短短幾十年如白駒過隙,竟然還是不如意之事占了絕大部分。細想之下又覺得這句話很是合理,資源是稀缺的,而人的愿望卻是無窮盡的,物質和財富如果在一定的歷史條件下是特定的、限量版的話,必不能讓人人都如意。

    我們談論的人生幸福,從小到大,標志性事件大致有入學、入職、談婚論嫁、職場升遷、仕途輝煌等等,難過和悲傷往往來源于對心中所愿的求而不得。當然,如果都是各憑本事,公平競爭,想必即使敗下陣來,失去所有的機會,也不會覺得有多痛苦。但凡有心痛和不甘,必是受到了不公平的待遇,甚至是欺騙、算計、羞辱等,才會義憤難平。

    在小北經歷過的人生三十年歲月中,時刻注意與人為善,一直認為自己具備了人畜無害的特質,卻在不久之前把以上種種全部經歷深深地體會了一把。總結起來,發生了兩件事,一件是職場上遭了算計,失去了晉升的機會;一件是被多年好友騙了一筆巨款。之所以一定要把這兩件事寫出來,不是想表達我有多冤屈,而是想跟大家分享這些事情帶給小北身上的變化。

    之前看過一條新聞,一位準大學生被電信詐騙犯騙走了學費,遭受打擊太大突然就去世了。年輕健康的體魄,完全因為精神壓力就沒了,彼時小北是很不能理解的,醫學推論和依據也一直沒有確定的說法。當算計和欺騙這兩件事同時發生在小北身上的時候,從未玻璃心的小北起初還自覺能夠靠著毅力扛過去,可是某天晚上奇異的事情突然降臨了。在小北不自覺地想起這些糟心事的時候,突然覺得呼吸不上來,心臟都要停頓了,整個房間的空氣好似都消失了一般。在一瞬間小北以為自己突發心臟病要死了,絕望之中找到學生求救,把我送去了醫院,各種檢查卻顯示小北一切正常,是個十足的健康人。

    而噩夢卻剛剛開始,自那以后,小北時不時都會有喘不上氣的情況,伴隨著身體的抱恙,恐懼的心理也占了上風,每到一處狹小的空間,都害怕得不能抑制,生怕自己突然背過氣去,再也起不來。最終,中醫的解釋是長期肝氣郁結,得不到紓解,導致胃氣無法下行,而胃和心臟之間的不適,有時人們很難區分。最后,在吃了幾個月數倍于常人的藥量后,小北的癥狀終于好了大半。

    為何明明覺得自己心很堅強卻還是被真正傷害到了,小北想最終的答案應該是這樣的,無論是身體機能還是負面情緒,都需要一個出口,當我無視這個出口的時候,病灶便隨之而來,所謂生病,依然是身體為自己找到了一個排解渠道。仔細想來,在發生這些事的時候,小北從始至終都是從自己身上找原因,長時間的想法是,一定是自己做錯了什么,或者不謹慎,或者太輕易相信別人,才會使自己陷入雙重困境,在無意識間不斷地自責,最終導致長期郁結卻無法紓解。

    如今,小北從自己所受的羞辱和欺騙中,明白了一個道理,逆境永遠都是人生的常態,而我們在面對困境的時候,不僅僅是告訴自己要堅強就可以解決問題的,如何在一定程度上真正接受并理解自己所遭受的不公,才是問題的出口。

    第一句話是,單純的責問錯誤是在自己還是別人身上是沒有意義的,我們此生永遠無法掌控別人對自己做出負面的評價或者傷害,我們需要的是對自己做出公正及肯定的評價。真正接受并悅納自己往往比自我反省更加困難,我們需要做的,是時時都能對自己多一點溫柔,少一點苛責。

    第二句話是,即使對曾經欺辱過自己的人,不要輕易的去記恨。《論語》中有一段,孔子的弟子向他請教“以德報怨”這個事情,老先生的回答是“以德報怨,何以報德?”最終應“以直報怨”。不去記恨他人不是寬容,連孔圣人都做不到以德報怨,蕓蕓眾生如何能做到。只是記恨的壞處,輕則是拿痛苦來折磨自己,重則會讓自己的人格越來越扭曲,最終變成了自己曾經痛恨的人的模樣,多么可惜。對于欺騙和羞辱過我的人,小北會說的是,我不想原諒,但我也不愿記恨。

    第三句話是,世上沒有不帶傷的人,在悅納自己的過程中應更加溫和地善待身邊的人。人生就沒有不經歷挫折的,小北現在很慶幸這些困境是發生在我還算是年輕的時候,欺騙和羞辱雖不堪回首,卻能讓我冷靜下來,去提高自己的人生境界。悲傷與心痛說給別人聽可以緩解情緒,卻不能治愈,真正能治愈自己的,只有自己。我們對著大山喊“我愛你”,得到的回聲是“我愛你”;喊“我恨你”,得到的回應必然也是“我恨你”。因此,更加溫柔的對待別人,便是更加溫柔的對待自己。

    是以,至柔,則剛。

    當剛強不再是逞強,不再是保留記恨的昂首挺胸,不再是為了強勢而強勢,我們就邁出了跨向強者的第二步。

    后記:在人生的慢慢長路中,小北很想做一個內心強大的人,因此撰寫了《強者﹒無敵》系列,表達自己的一些經歷體會,以期能夠和大家交流。以上是該系列第二篇,謝謝大家閱讀,歡迎明天繼續關注第三篇“平等性智方為解”。

    左岸記:我也覺得逆境是生命的常態,不僅是常態,還是無可避免的,面對逆境表現出來的智力及應對能力就是逆商。羅曼羅蘭說:“失敗可以鍛煉一般優秀的人物:它挑出一批心靈,把純潔的和強壯的放在一邊,使它們變得更純潔、更強壯;但它同時讓其余的心靈加速墮落,或是斬斷它們飛躍的力量。”開始就認輸的人其實不多,大多數人都會興致勃勃地接受挑戰,但常常會在接連不斷的打擊中,敗下陣來。一個方法不行,就換一種方法,直到問題解決為止,這才是一個聰明人面對生活該有的姿態。但這不是要我們去頌揚苦難,只是我們知道,當苦難不可避免的時候,我們只有戰勝它,問題才會解決。

    左岸

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