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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    天長地久:致老賀,我親愛的女朋友

    2019-02-20 . 閱讀: 976 views

    文/郭敏

    去年的8月,LY同學送給我一本龍應臺的《天長地久》。我在書的扉頁上慢慢寫下一句:

    這是她送給母親美君的書,卻勾起了我的愧疚和遺憾。

    封面上的四個字——天長地久,采自王羲之的《蘭亭集序》,這是我未曾見過的。第一章是那篇著名的《女朋友》:上一代不會傾吐,下一代無心體會,生命就像黃昏最后的余光,瞬間沒入黑暗。為什么我就沒想到要把你這個女人,看作一個也渴望看電影、喝咖啡、清晨爬山看芒草、需要有人打電話說“悶”的女朋友?

    記憶中最近一次真正意義上的母女專屬時間,大概是2012年的事情。那年夏秋交際的時候,老賀和我,去到廈門旅行,糟糕的是我竟然找不到當時拍的照片了。在我內心深處,依然常常懷念那些坐在曾厝垵海邊聊八卦、聊過去、聊朋友、聊家人的夜晚;在鼓浪嶼某個偏僻寂靜、幾乎沒有游客的小角落里,她唱歌、我看書,時不時抬頭看看海峽對岸的泉州,晚霞如水,頃刻流瀉在她身上,那個畫面我到現在都還記得;當我們爬向南普陀山頂層層疊疊的林中,眼前流動著那個陌生城市山海一色的絕妙風光時,她對著山下,大喊了好幾嗓子,可愛到與她的年齡不符......

    一字一句說的常常懷念,都是真的。這也是為什么每當有人問我:“你最喜歡去過的上哪一座城市”時,我總會毫不猶豫的說:廈門。

    因為我曾經牽著老賀的手,就像兩個親密的女朋友,在那里哈哈大笑過。

    后來,我們的工作越來越忙,回家的次數越來越少。再后來,我們自己成為了父母,能面對面給予她的時間越來越吝嗇。而她只會不停的付出,沉默不語,因為她懂得,孩子已經忘了她年輕過。

    作者說:孩子長大了,她對父母的頻頻發問只覺得一個字,煩。養兒育女的人是否早就知道,當初做牛做馬讓兒女受高等教育,最后換得他們從高處俯視你,不耐煩的對你說:“哎呀,你不懂啦”?

    不知每一個心里面有窗的青年是否承認,如果沒有他們,那扇窗到底有沒有機會真正的打開,那些誠實的風景、新鮮的空氣,是否有朝一日能感受得到?

    夕陽的時候大山無言,星辰有序,野鹿在森林里睡著了,鯨魚在海里正要翻轉它的背脊,這些,都在對與錯的爭執之外。而人與人,代與代之間的初心凝視,這門個人的功課范圍之大、涵養之深、體悟之艱、實踐之難,比人士間對于正義的爭執要誠實得多,重大得多。

    2017年,在母親美君失智之后,龍應臺移居屏東潮州鎮,照顧母親,開始鄉居寫作。她忽然意識到不能再騙自己了,此生唯一能給的,只有陪伴。而且,就在當下,因為,人走,茶涼,緣滅,生命從不等候。

    書里寫道:如果我早一點開竅,早一點認知:所有女兒都可以把母親當做自己的女朋友看待,我會跟你說很多事情。譬如說,我會設法告訴你,你的女兒長大之后,變成了什么樣的人。她怎么看世界,怎么想事情,怎么過日子。你用生命投資在她身上,她活的還可以么?如果可以重來一遍,我會少一點傲慢,少一點吝嗇;如果可以重來一遍,我會認真地用我的語言跟你分享內心深處的事。

    聚,有定額,散,有期程,你無法索求,更無法延期。

    春節里,我在那個熟悉的老房子里,和你重逢。久別重逢,我有那么多新的故事必須面對面講給你聽。就像多年前一樣,小小的客廳里灑滿午后三點的陽光,時間的猛獸在打瞌睡,你簡直能聽見它輕微甜美的鼾聲。

    我念想著,能常常陪著你圍爐夜話。每一個月亮升起的夜晚,湘江蕩漾著銀光,那時那刻,我們深信人間的愛和聚,可以天長地久。

    左岸記:晚飯的時候,小治說:“爸爸,我心里有個很矛盾的感覺,我既想獨立又想和你們在一起生活。”我問他,為什么想獨立,獨立了你想做什么?他想了想斷斷續續地說:“這是我心里潛意識里說不清一種感覺,覺得獨立是必須的。”“那為什么又想我們在一起呢?”“因為在一起有陪伴的感覺,心里很踏實。”

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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