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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    愿在努力的每個春天,都有美麗的蝴蝶輕輕的飛過

    2019-02-11 . 閱讀: 924 views

    文/花千樹

    人生歲首,總要提筆寫些什么,雖然往往不知該從何說起。近來更是感覺時間快的無知無覺,去年這個時節還是孕八九個月間,每天盼著小寶的平安降生,而今已經長那么大,開始扶著沙發一步一步地走了。有時會猛然一下,喲,已經就要三十了。

    1

    工作與生活,承擔與放棄,之前從未認真的想過,只是過著尚可的生活,拿著尚可的薪水,周末就在家宅著做飯看劇打掃衛生或者出去玩。隨著二人世界變成一個家庭,似乎一切都變了。

    嬰兒真是個神奇的物種,一出生啥也沒干便取得家庭的中心地位,此后便自來熟地和你笑和你鬧,縱然彼此語言不通,但并不影響其樂融融的生活啊。當然伴隨的還有從未完整的睡眠和永遠不消停的家務。

    如若說之前還可以如此尚可的生活下去,小寶的出生便清醒的意識到再也不能了。人生總是一個階段一個階段,學生時代是一個階段,明亮、憂傷、張揚,多好的詞兒用在上面都絲毫不為過;從畢業到小寶出生前又是一個階段,從翼翼小心到從容喜悅;小寶出生后便又是一個新的階段。

    沒有寶寶前,一直覺得自己是孩子,有了之后,便再也無處可逃的是大人了。一個人胡吃海塞想睡便睡,但身份成了媽媽便不能如此,要考慮哺乳,要準備她的吃喝,還要考慮小寶的各種生物作息,而當她終于晚上睡著后已經是凌晨了。這一年是真的和晚上壓馬路談天說地看星星看天空運氣好還能順手買個花,沒事去吃個酸辣粉的生活徹底告別了。

    2

    這一年,先生轉變也很大,準確的說這幾年他的改變要比我大太多,變得從容踏實。有了小寶之后話也比之前多很多,更加陽光積極。

    我也開始重新審視自己,畢業幾年嘗試很多,說起來道理全然明白,但卻一事無成。先生之前話不多,卻是一個目標,很踏實一步一步的走。或許這正是我所欠缺的,不夠踏實,不夠認真,總覺得還行,其實還有好多人比你牛逼卻還比你努力,而時間永遠是擠擠就會有的,你真的用勁去拼過么還是只是覺得。

    我是一個不太容易被說服的人,今年卻也開始反思自己。每個人的人生都有你所不知的艱辛,小時候覺得快樂是因為父母替你做了一切,現在體會到累是因為你要替另一個小小的生命事無巨細的去做一切。時間的殘酷性在于不聲不響的告訴你,你再也不是那個可以肆意的少年。

    3

    來京六年,大大小小換了三份工作,都是編輯,遇見過很nice的主編,也碰到過德不配位的渣渣,激情過也消沉過,工作久了會疲,不知道自己該干什么,該怎樣去走職業道路。

    對于別人自己總是看的很清楚,一想到自己便是一頭霧水,貌似好多都行,但又不是太妥,糾結間便一日一日的過去了。

    唯一明白的便是不能停滯,大概因為自己本身就不喜歡一灘靜止的死水吧,總覺得生命應該是鮮活的,生活應該是熱氣騰騰的。

    記得高中的時候語文老師說我根源在于自己跟自己較勁,想必是對的,內心的掙扎與渴望帶著我向前走吧。

    4

    今天無意間翻起之前的筆記本,感觸良多。無格的白紙,用黑色的鋼筆抄寫上去那些觸動內心的句子,現在看來還是一陣悸動。

    說實話,說自己古董也好,守舊也罷,還是喜歡那種用鋼筆寫字的感覺,一直覺得文字是有生命的,用筆寫字,可以感受到字的生命力,在字里也能感受到自己那時的心境,若許多年后,翻起來,還能嗅到當年的氣息。內心隱隱的顫動,我明白我是愛這些的。

    人生的岔路口總是很多,或許終其一生也不能參透自己到底想要怎樣,努力之余有太多的不確定性和偶然,知道的只是所愛是家庭和那些文字。家庭讓我溫暖,文字卻已然成了生命中的一部分,之前煩了寫,高興了寫,沒事了也寫,更像一場自己跟自己的對話,自己對自己的一場排解,情緒需要一個出口,寫算是一個很好的出口吧。

    所謂前程,努力爭取;所謂家庭,溫情守候;所謂文字,深深的熱愛吧。愿在努力的每個春天,都有美麗的蝴蝶輕輕的飛過。

    左岸記:人生的每一個階段都可以踏得很美妙,因為每個階段都有很多值得我們去創造也促成我們成長的人事物。我們都是角色的綜合體,在這人生的舞臺上,無論我們經歷什么,我們都要努力地讓自己和心愛的人過得更鮮活、靈動一些。今天就上班了吧,種下“花”,“花”的盛開,“蝴蝶”會來。

    作者:花千樹,一邊在世界里流浪,一邊在深夜里獨寫悲喜。愛繁花也愛星辰,孤獨與愛同在,悲涼與溫情并生。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    發表評論



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