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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    事無所祈 不忘初心

    2019-01-23 . 閱讀: 894 views

    文/奶茶不太甜

    看過《瀾本嫁衣》之后,再看《大地之燈》,就好像經歷過凜冽冬日的徹骨荒涼之后,重新遇見三月暖陽,仍舊不舍生機盎然的世界。

    簡生出生在寒冷的東北林區一個荒僻的林場,父母都是下鄉知青,擁有他時,父親已經從清朗干凈的吹簫少年變成滿腔憤懣的怨夫,母親也從未喑世事的少女蛻變成哀嘆生活的少婦。荒涼的東北,向來不是父母安心生活的地方。父親謊稱有病,獲得了回城的資格,便拉著母親一起,在臨上車前,狠心的將尚在襁褓中的簡生扔在了人潮擁擠的車站。

    就這樣,簡生被一生未嫁的東北老太太收養,在七歲以前,婆孫兩人相依為命,在晴朗的夏夜,一起坐在門前的花園里乘涼,撿起從銀河墜落的星光,活得簡單愜意。

    可母親突然闖入,把簡生帶到了城市,主觀上,她是想要彌補多年缺失的母愛,客觀上,已經事業有成的母親,有了物質能力塑造簡生的人生。可母親忘了問簡生的意見,而是自作主張安排兒子的人生。不擅言談的簡生,明明喜歡畫畫,可母親執意替他報鋼琴課和各類補習班,無論生活還是學習上,母子二人的分歧和斗爭從未間斷,母親覺得良苦用心被誤解,簡生亦覺得家庭生活充滿壓抑,至母親發現簡生喜歡上美術老師,惡言相向,簡生以死相迫,母子關系降至冰點。

    從醫院出來之后,簡生住進了美術老師家里,老師以長輩的姿態,給予他諸多關懷與照顧,從學業到生活,無微不至,兩人并未逾矩。之后,簡生順利考入美術類高級學府,留學娶妻,收養藏族孤女,舉辦巡回畫展,人生這一路的繁華盛景,老師并未參與,實際上兩人已失去聯系多年。多年后,兩人再次相遇時,簡生得知,老師離婚之后生了重病,生活艱難,盡管對妻子諸多不舍不忍,他還是決定回到老師身邊照顧,直到老師離開。

    短短的二十幾年,簡生經歷了被遺棄、從農村到城市的孤寂,母親自殺等諸多傷心之事,但他選擇淡化這些,記住老師給過的光亮。

    書的最后這樣寫:經歷一些靜水流深之事,緩緩地在生命的荒原上陷入時間的流沙,萬劫不復直至窒息,一種圓滿而潔凈的救贖,列車上,簡生在疲乏與嘈雜中黯然入睡,再也沒有夢靨,再也沒有不甘,但他依舊想念老師。

    書里還有一條線,是簡生收養的藏族孤女卡桑的出走與回歸。看書評時,很多人都說,這是一個不斷找尋最終回歸的故事。我倒更愿意把它理解為,不斷經歷摧毀,又反復心理重建的故事,所幸的是,簡生初心未改。人們在不斷的經歷中,樣貌、心態都會改變,這本是一件無可厚非的事情,但改變不應成為世故且涼薄、極端自私且急功近利的“替罪羊”。常常聽到這樣的說法:如果不是經歷太多不公,就不會變的這么充滿戾氣且自私自利,毫無羞愧。就這么簡單的將自身的變化,全都歸因于外部世界。真如這樣,何必談初心?

    一如簡生,即便過早體會世間冷暖、人情涼薄,還是長成了心智健全、溫暖寬容的人,沒有將生活里遇到的苦楚不公銳化為對抗世界的滿腔愁怨和憤恨,沒有趁著年輕便可犯錯的叛逆心態蹉跎人生,誤把荒廢當瀟灑。相反他說,回憶經過時間的醞釀,散發光彩,苦難竟也變得面目和善。

    記得知乎上,對“生命是積累苦痛的巡禮”這句話這樣解答:“巡禮”是圣徒跋涉的艱辛,也是信念的輝煌燦爛,對著名為希望的絕望展露微笑,即為生命的巡禮。而知乎上對不公這樣回答:與其花費時間抱怨不公,不如把時間用在爭取不公平的機會上,要努力。

    想來,這么多年的成長之路,一個人身上總會有很多標記,卻又不停轉移,如同季節輪換,看起來周而復始,其實一春有一春的花,凋零和生長層層累積成現在的樣子。在時間長廊里,每個路口停步的你,無數的你,貫穿到尾聲,故事像潮水般傳遞,最后一朵浪,應當依然帶著第一朵的推力,事無所祈,不忘初心。

    就像后記里所寫:“也許憂傷并不可恥,但我們需要重新誠懇地看待它,并且從那些析出的沉淀中找出另一些更有意義的獲得,并且將這些獲得意義銘記,將剩下的忘卻,或者原諒。在這樣的過程中去成長,而且感恩。”

    愿我們擁有海風習習潮來夕往的未來。

    左岸記:人生皆苦,不覺得苦那是因為覺得值得。事無所祈,心有堅毅,才能戰勝命運之苦,獲得快樂。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    1 Comments On 事無所祈 不忘初心

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