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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    在一起那么久,卻一張合照都沒有

    2018-12-23 . 閱讀: 1,464 views

    /世本

    每個人的生命中都需要一些空白期,來總結之前的路,也規劃著未來的方向。

    寫作從來都是一件孤獨的事情,寫著寫著,不知道是在寫別人還是寫自己。那些文字埋藏在記憶深處,像是一塊路標,標識著一條條不歸路......

    12月的某天晚上,我和他一起吃著學校對面那家不怎么干凈的大排檔。那老板有個長得很好看的女兒,所以我們經常來,只是從大學到現在快十年了,就見過他女兒一次。

    我們要了一瓶酒,一盤燒烤,一個烤茄子,有一句無一句的說著各自的近況。喝著酒,吃著烤串,那種感覺把我帶回了大學還沒畢業的時候,然后感嘆時間的流逝,如同河流沖刷掉了沿路留下的腳印,不留痕跡。

    很多年的感覺,我很明白這就是愛。對他,我所有的情緒和語言都會變得很溫柔,但他的內心一直保持著一種疏離感。這種疏離感讓他把自己封在了墻里面,任何東西都進不去。我能感覺到他是一個內心很缺乏安全感的人,不清楚之前是否受過什么傷,所以將自己嚴嚴實實的包裹了起來。我嘗試過很多方式,但始終走不進他的內心,更為確切的說他自始至終也沒有將自己的內心向我敞開過。

    我望著他,對他說了這一番話:

    “我在你身上感受到了前所未有的挫敗感,但這跟你無關,你一直都平靜得像水上面的一塊玻璃,不管是風雨還是太陽都不會讓你泛起任何漣漪。是我太自信,自信我能夠改變你,自信我能夠讓你敞開心扉,自信只要對你好,你或許會因為我而改變。結果很了然,我沒能讓那一塊玻璃變成水。”

    他說:

    “其實我不是要把自己關起來,我自己都不清楚為什么會有這樣一種狀態。”

    我很堅定地告訴他,你只是還沒有遇到那個對的人而已。遇到了,你自然就敞開了。

    我更想對他說的是,如果這個狀態自己覺得很好,那就保持這樣子,我也不想他會因為什么而改變,變得不是真實的自己。

    讓我很慶幸的是,在那一瞬間自己突然明白過來我并不是他要找的那個人,我不能成為他的戀人,更不會是他所謂的靈魂伴侶。

    于是,我選擇了放手,我也不想知道他后面的感情生活,只是祝他安好。

    有點遺憾的是,雖然一直以朋友的身份相處,但愛了這么久,連一張合照都沒有。

    相比而言,我更愿意跟他成為朋友,沒有患得患失,就像故事里面的兩個人,彼此走了一段漫漫長路,一起坐下來,擺一壺好酒,徹夜長談。

    或許一個人需要這么一段時間,來達成內心的一種平衡。

    我也希望他能與人被愛,內心始終單純而有力量去面對生活中的風雨。對他而言,我可以將他安放在歲月的盒子里,盒子塵封,不論過了多久,只要他說,我都會如約而至。

    左岸記:一個人對另一個人能這樣的甘心情愿,這是個真愛呢,還是執念呢?每個人心中的答案應該不太一樣,有人覺得不值得,有人覺得很感人。但,我想,很重要的一件事一定要想明白,就是這樣做將來會不會后悔,如果后悔了,怎么辦。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 在一起那么久,卻一張合照都沒有

    1. 深有感觸,在外界刺激過多的城市中,男主的狀態其實最輕松。

    2. 一別兩歡,祝各自安好。這態度很贊!很灑脫,我喜歡

    發表評論



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