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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    燃燒的余燼

    2018-12-04 . 閱讀: 752 views

    文/潘志峰

    Max Richter—《Embers

    一個本該明媚的上午,天空陰沉著,我走過那條熟悉的街道,坐上一輛車,在輕微的顛簸中出發了,就像這首曲子,只有很小旋律起伏。

    雖然起伏不明顯,但并不妨礙曲式的前進,就像這輛車,不管顛簸與否,都會帶著我駛向遠方。它不會因為我而停下,我也不會因為沒有它而停止腳步。

    在聽樂的過程中,大腦會自動過濾掉一些外界的雜音,好讓自己能夠沉浸在音樂的世界里。其實,與其是叫沉浸在音樂的世界里,不如叫做沉浸在自己的世界里。

    因為,不知道什么時候,車輛的馬達聲早已消失不見,只是依稀感覺到車窗外的樹影一晃而過,再也不見蹤影。像極了生命中的那些過客,熟悉又陌生,不斷出現又迅速逃離,牽扯不斷又可以毫無瓜葛。

    車到了終點,我下了車,站在一座橋上,看著干涸的河床上,長滿了蘆葦。,在這個初冬季節,白茫茫一片,望不到盡頭。突然很想吹來一陣風,迅猛而強勁,將蘆葦花吹走,四散開來,隨便飄散到哪個地方都好,或離開,或留下,或做短暫的舞蹈,或絲毫不為所動,或者就留在自己的腳下,蓋住那些污泥,再慢慢化作泥土……

    我常常喜歡走路,一邊走路一邊聽著音樂。又或者一邊走路,一邊聽著這個世界,聽著這個安靜的世界。走著走著,一輛搖擺著的農用車,“噠噠噠”的聲音由遠及近,再慢慢的由近及遠,最后消失不見。車上的人,那留著歲月痕跡臉上,在冬天里凍的發紅,但神情又像是總也剃不干凈的胡子茬一樣,倔強的生長著。

    我不知道他要駛向哪里,就像我不知道自己最終要走到哪里。其實,我不但不知道未來的終點,即使是過去的種種,有些還算記得清楚,而有很多都已經模糊了。

    你聽,聽這曲子,鋼琴聲叮……咚……叮……咚……像極了過往的一樁樁、一件件,有的很有力,有的又顯得朦朧,不急不慢,不知道什么時候就會浮現在眼前。

    小提琴聲像是我們經歷過的歲月長河,隨著時光流逝,有的線條就斷掉了,有的事情就忘掉了,想不起來了。

    或者,并不是想不起來,而是有意忘卻了,繞開了,像是一場選擇性失憶。

    雖然河水流著流著就斷掉了,但它終究不會改變最終的流向。一條被堵住去路的河流,要么是沖潰堤壩,要么是流入暗河。

    歲月的河流從不會止息,有些事情也從不會消失。那些被我們刻意忘卻的事情,就像是在心里埋藏著的地雷,總會有一天被一個人、一個物件、一個聲音給踩中。

    所以,我常常聽樂,這已經成為我生命中必不可少的一部分。可是仔細一想,好想又不對,因為只有在聽有歌詞的歌曲時,我是在看它唱了些什么,而在我聽那些沒有歌詞的曲目時,我越來越懶得理會它本身是什么了。

    我在聽旋律,聽節奏,聽龐雜而系統的結構?不,都不是,那些我從來不懂,我只是在聽自己。所有喜歡的音樂,盡數表現了我對過往的記憶,對未來的想象,對美的審視和要求,對世界與自我的思考,對是非對錯的判斷。

    又或許,不只是關乎美,又關乎丑與惡;又或許,不只是關乎自我,又關乎與我;又或許,不只是關乎判斷對錯,又關乎忘了是非對錯。總之,世界有多復雜,音樂就有多復雜,我的音樂世界就會有多復雜。

    在我們每個人喜歡的音樂世界中,有的音樂美得不可方物,讓我想用盡一切辦法,去靠近它、了解它,聽了一遍又一遍,忘了自己是誰,忘了所有的憂愁與歡樂。

    有的音樂,我會找不到它的旋律和節奏,即使找到了,也會自動忽略它。我常常會忘了它是誰,忘了自己在聽什么,只剩下在這朦朧的聲音中,越來越向自己走近。

    毫無疑問,這首音樂應當屬于第二種,它會帶著我走進自己的內心,越來越深入,哪怕是那些未曾被陽光照耀過的陰暗角落。

    它像一件美輪美奐的武器,明知它會剝開舊傷口,會讓我感受到疼痛,然后再去排除掉那些深藏的、以為早已忘卻的地雷。

    耳靜才能聽樂,眼凈方能看世界,而只有心靜才可以反觀自己。余燼是要繼續燃燒,還是就此熄滅,總會有一個結果。

    左岸記:最美的音樂是那種能和心靈產生共鳴的旋律,曲子從心流淌而過,你聽到了自己內心的聲音,往事、生活、那些掛心的人都會一一浮現。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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