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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    被現實逼迫的無奈和倔強

    2018-11-16 . 閱讀: 1,401 views

    文/讀博在四方

    兒子的電話來了,問他是不是下班了。他說剛從村口的廠子里走回來,正收拾鋤頭和鐮刀,準備去玉米地里鋤草。

    兒子說我媽呢?他說你媽在地里等著呢。

    幾秒的小沉默,他說沒事就掛啦,然后就掛了。前后不到58秒。絕大多數的情況下,跟兒子的對話就這么短。

    他也很少想著多問,問了也不了解,也不愿意聽兒子多問,自己也很少耐煩回答。

    想問的事其實很明確,就一件,有沒有找到對象?但這個問題是大家心里的隱痛,不能問。

    問了,兒子的回答往往是:買不起房子。然后,就開始了一個循環問答,“別人也買不起,不也結婚了”。兒子的回答是,“別人是別人,我為什么跟別人比?別人死,我也得死嗎!?”他每聽到這就感覺胸口被狠狠地頂了一下,又尋摸個理由說,“那找個不要你買房子、人家有房子的不成嗎?”兒子說,“肯定不成,絕對受不了上門女婿的低答勁兒,別說了,爸,我掛了......”。

    兒子好像就這么陷在牛角尖里,還越鉆越靠里。

     

    不能細算,自家小子出去上大學開始,這一晃都十五年了。

    那兩年兒子歲數不算大,他也不算老,心里想著由兒子去吧,萬一也混出點模樣來,到三十成家也不算晚。

    人吧,有時不能不服老,年輕時再抗得住的身板,也慢慢有點老化了,自己再過四年就過六十了,同輩人的孫子都已經上小學了。再瞧瞧自己家這位,也不著急。

    村里真是說什么的都有,好聽的傳到耳朵里,說是你家小子,大博士,眼光高,挑得狠。說得不好聽的,即使是轉述人盡量給過濾掉更不中聽的話,那意思也是誰知道是不是有什么暗疾呢。

    生產隊里的黑毛姐夫,那可是不論田頭地角地遇到,還是街巷店鋪地碰見,總也開著玩笑,以前是說看看人大學生的爹媽,你家小子帶回媳婦來沒?現在是看看人博士研究生的爹媽,翻來覆去就這么一句,他和兒子他媽也就臊得笑笑,要不是這幾年外甥長大了,好玩的事跡成了論說的由頭,還不知道街坊鄰居碰到怎么搭話。

    他家這位,今年大年三十晌午在打掃門外衛生的時候,正好被從供銷社買香燭出來的黑毛姐夫看到,特有的嗓門喊著,老遠就能聽到,“喃說,大博士還能干這掃土拖地的營生?快扔下來”,“你怎么還不趕緊領個媳婦回來,看把你爸你媽著急哩,那可是在藥材地干件兒,找個避風旮旯就一抹一抹擦淚哩”。還沒等他這位當家子姑父說完,這小子什么也沒接茬,喪著臉端著空簸箕就進了家門,“哐啷”一聲。黑毛姐夫走到跟前的腳步一頓,訕訕地拐進旁邊巷道走了。他剛想喊出的“姐夫”兩字就留在嗓子里,回頭看正在清理大門口頂門的松竹梅三個字,二十多年前用墨噴壞的“竹”字那個豎鉤看著更尖了,當時覺得好像要扎在心里一般。

     

    他在琢磨難道自己錯了?

    錯在送自己小子出去讀書求學?這不是錯,村里的他們這幫年輕人,那個不是從村小到鄉中過來的,考上重點高中了,家里條件又不是一點都供不起,肯定是幫扶著讓他往上考的,能學到那步是他的命,做父母的不強求。

    錯在沒讓他大學畢業后就工作?這也不是錯,小子上大學最后一年剛開始,就確定保送本校研究生了,又不用自家再掏學費,頂多支援點生活費,后來人在第二年就轉博了,補助省著點差不多夠吃喝了。

    那錯在那里了呢?腦筋轉了幾圈沒有個頭緒。想起昨天傍黑中央臺的天氣預報說今兒五點以后會下雨,他就先把鋤頭和鐮刀放在過道里,把院子怕淋雨的挎婁、摘筐等東西收拾了一圈,然后才帶上工具,鎖了門,往村西走去。

    入夏后的天氣真是長起來了,日頭掛在西山寨上面還好大一截,天上一點云彩也沒有,看樣子這雨估計下不成了。他覺著平常在村口選礦廠上上白班還不賴,五點下班回來也不耽誤地里的營生。

    路上看不到往家走的,反而往地里往菜園里走得人多,都跟他一樣,趁著天還明著,干活也不熱,去地里鋤鋤草間間苗,去菜園綁綁架擔擔糞。隔三差五地,跟迎面走來的人打過幾回招呼,大約一里多地就出了村子。

    繼續往西,走到一棵老黑棗樹下,換換肩膀抗鋤頭的時候,他忽然想起來一件事。

     

    五十歲那年,他身體暴瘦,但吃得并也不見少,開始覺得是干活累的,后來慢慢感覺有時候蹲著想往起站,兩條腿沒力氣。孩子姥舅建議他去縣里檢查一下血糖,結果出來一看都快20了,這是得了二型糖尿病。

    這年春節也是兒子畢業后留京工作頭一年,回來后聽到他得糖尿病的消息,有那么一瞬間感覺愣住了,后面才緩和過勁來,問他吃降糖藥和血糖監測的事。他說“你姥舅也是多年糖尿病了,拿著他吃得藥問了醫生,說我也可以吃,就開始吃到年前,血糖點數下降了不少了,這陣子早上起來空腹一直監測這呢!”。

    過年看著忙忙叨叨的,農家人內里還是輕省多了,伙食相對也不錯,油,肉,米,面,鹽,糖那樣會少?一頓又吃了不少,兒子就叫他一起晚上溜達溜達,便于控制血糖上升速度,可能是剛確診,也比較遵醫囑,他同意了。

    出門先往東向村口的省道走,折返后覺得走得不夠,父子兩個就繼續往西,也就走到老黑棗樹這,他說,“你看樹下你建海叔家這塊地,今年是荒地,為啥荒?今年春起里說要去市里干件兒,掙點活錢就能夠吃喝,不待去種地啦。他說嫌事多,麥子不種就不種吧,連玉蜀黍也不種。后來市里打工的活沒弄下來,地里也錯過節氣了,著急忙慌地種了一茬畝半的紅山藥。這么好一塊地,就收了一季粗糧,山藥是長得不賴。趕上今年冬天暖和,還不到過年,放在地窨子里的山藥就爛了,你回來時看到河溝里的那一大堆,就是他家剛倒得。你說這是弄了啥?事一點準星也沒有,就把能干能做得全扔了,就等著那事來,結果兩頭都占不上。”

    他不記得兒子當時有沒有說話,難道這個道理是不是讓他覺得事沒定下來,就不要亂說話,免得搞不成。可仔細一想也不對啊,自己小子都工作快六年了,再隱藏好也不至于一點跡象也沒有吧?

     

    人還是不要打無準備之仗,以前評書不是說兵馬未動,糧草先行么!糧草?哎!那年春節前兒子說頭年工作,自己多買點煙酒去看看他舅們妗子們。

    這傻小子連個摩托車都騎不好,試火了好幾次,都騎不上走,他說還是我帶上你一起去吧。

    五里路,不算遠,一溜上坡,風倒是不大但有點冷,他一邊挑著平坦的騎,一邊跟后面的兒子聊,笑著說“你留在北京拉,要是在咱們省城里買房子,我砸鍋賣鐵地還能給你湊十萬,在北京那地方一說就幾百萬,這點可是頂不上大事,就是把我這身骨頭買了估計也不夠”。

    摩托車在坑坑洼洼的水泥路上左拐右扭,風吹得只聽見兒子的回答聲忽大忽小,兒子說“爸,可別昂,那錢你和喃媽留著養老吧,我這不是才上班嘔,先攢攢看看吧。”后來也沒有再談起這些事。

    全國人民都知道,后來的幾年里京城房價的飆升可不是他一個小博士的工作漲幅能跟得上的。兒子從小就要臉要強,可再要臉要強也頂不上現實的錢不值錢來得勁大吧。想到這,他貌似也想通了一些什么,突然就感覺眼睛里好像進了一些小東西,趕緊放下鋤頭,站那揉了揉,看看周邊的坡和梁,活生生的現實。現實強似人,一時半會也沒有解決辦法,那就先這樣吧。

    家里的路再遠也近,沒多久就快到了,天黑前還能忙活一兩個鐘頭。翻過一個低小的坡梁,他走到地頭上,看到自家孩子他媽已經蹲在畦隴邊上,左右手并用地拔了一大堆野草了,于是趕緊大聲地吶喊了一句,他來了,別著慌。

    左岸記:有些路沒辦法不走下去,有時已經足夠努力了,生活還是非常艱難,希望越追越遠。你是向生活妥協,還是更加的服氣?沒有人知道答案,因為答案只藏在那個不可能再來一次的將來。你需要明確的是自己今天所努力的方向,將來定不后悔。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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