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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    下次見你,談笑風生不動情

    2018-11-08 . 閱讀: 1,812 views

    文/世本

    認識你的時候
    在三月
    那時候春天來了
    陽光正好
    風景剛好

    不知不覺四年過去了,對他的喜歡不偏不倚不急不慢地持續了四年。我們都打著為生活奮斗的幌子,然后卻在每個必須解決的問題前選擇了逃避,我幻想著夢想成功的燦爛,卻不能在他的面前說出“我愛你”這三個字。道理都懂,可是情緒在作祟,故事太撩人。

    有一天,我跟一個朋友說起了這件事情:我跟他一直處于一種特別好的狀態里,不會有見面時候的尷尬,不會有要不要上床的困擾,跟高中校園喜歡隔壁班帥氣的大男孩是一樣的,期待看到他,見到之后聊聊近況,然后各自安好。沒有經濟往來,沒有業務交流,更沒有來自他的愛慕者的嫉妒,真的特別美好。她一點也不驚訝,邊喝著咖啡邊問我:

    她:你倆有過親密接觸嗎?
    我:沒有,連手都沒有碰到過
    她:那你想跟他上床嗎?
    我:我想,但是我知道我倆不會上床,我也不想去破壞那種美好
    她:你愛他什么?
    我:說不上來,就是想跟他待在一起
    ......

    我跟這個朋友是屬于一年到頭聯系不會超過兩次,但每次跟她都有說不完的話,像是得了某種病,一直不停說話的病,不會因為距離和時間產生隔閡。她就這樣輕描淡寫地問,我反而手心冒汗地在回答。

    其實事情過了這么久,我也并沒有刻意去愛或者去忘,如果刻意在做某件事,說明他還在我心里,我愛不得,當然我也忘不掉。

    她給我的建議是不要輕易地嘗試跟他在一起,她說:

    “你會失去更多,因為你愛他,而他不愛你,或是你的愛大于他的了,我不想你再受到傷害。
    其實在這個世界上,找個愛自己的會更幸福。
    當然你也不用掩飾,因為愛是遮蓋不了的,它會從你的眼睛、你的肢體當中自然而然地流露出來,你唯一能做的就是珍惜,珍惜這個能讓你單戀這么久的人,在你身邊有這么一個讓你歡喜讓你憂的人,這是一件很幸福的事情。”

    我知道朋友是不想我在這段付出與回報不成比例的情感里受到傷害。我夜半獨自一個人的時候也想過,或許在一起之后真的會跟現在不一樣。那種美好的感覺會隨之消失,兩個人會有更多的性格和生活方式的磨合,我很懶,還是不要去打破這樣一份自以為的美好吧。

    四年過去了,遺忘可以交給時間和未來。

    時間模糊了很多的東西,我依然深愛著他
    我存著他的照片
    他喜歡的歌我也有去聽
    他看過的電影我也偷偷看過
    他感興趣的東西我也嘗試感興趣
    可能,我遠比表面更喜歡他

    謝謝你,曾來過
    謝謝你,溫暖我
    謝謝我,曾愛你

    總有那么一個人,讓你在眼淚中成長
    總有那么一個人,讓你在午夜夢回失聲痛哭
    總有那么一個人,讓你回想起兵荒馬亂的青春歲月

    后來的他,或許會成為我只要一想起就會沉默的故事,知道他會屬于所有人,除了我。壓在心里很久的石頭,終于砸腳上了。

    下一次,可以可以換你褪去一身驕傲,喜歡我直到瘋掉......
    下一次見你,談笑風生不動情。

    左岸記:很多人都在心里默默地愛過一個人吧,這沒什么的,但隨著一個人的長大,這種感覺會越來越淡,回首之時,該是輕輕一笑。

    如果這份愛是完全沒有回應的,自己卻走不出來,放不下,那么其實不是自己有多么愛那個人,而是自己享受這種愛的能力,和這種情感所帶來的痛感。

    你的愛如果沒有回應,那么這份愛就成了一個人的獨角戲,你放不下,只是因為你害怕自己背叛了自己的愛。這又需要一個契機,比如,一個更好的人,時間夠久,或者你終于想通了,你才能做到真正的對愛談笑風生。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 下次見你,談笑風生不動情

    1. 有這種情愫就是很美好的事情,我認為~

    2. 懷念曾經 這些兵荒馬亂的日子

    發表評論



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