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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    你再優秀,也有人比你更優秀

    2018-11-07 . 閱讀: 2,075 views

    文/北水

    前不久某著名心理學咨詢公眾號里列出了一個案例,一位年近三十的女士,經常夢見高中時期背英語單詞,做數學題和沒完沒了的考試。心理咨詢老師給出的答案是:總是做重復的夢,一般都是創傷性的夢,比如很想上研究生,卻沒有考上;經常做考試的夢,一般和焦慮的情緒有關。

    以前我就是一個經常做考試夢的人,夢境中最多的是考試前找不到或走錯了考場,更有甚者,夢境中明明上完了大學,卻還要重新參加高考,一切重頭來過。而與那位咨詢的女士不同,我沒有關于學歷深造的夢想缺失,相反從小到大就從未懼怕過任何考試,所有的考試也永遠都名列前茅,最終在一所全國人民都知道的一流大學里讀完了本碩博。腦子里偶爾蹦出的念頭是,學霸這個詞匯一定是用來形容我這種,在“全國普通高等學校招生全國統一考試”、“全國碩士研究生入學考試”等一眾大考中都始終拔得頭籌的人。

    然而,我想說的不是這些,相反,我從未覺得自己優秀,也從未從我的這些“成功”事跡中找到過些許快樂。我清晰的記得,當年父母告知我高考第一志愿被錄取的時候,我不過輕輕哦了一聲,碩士和博士錄取對我來說也只不過就是接到了一份水電費通知的效果而已。等我博士畢業以后,我想過,如果當年我不是在國內這所大學讀書,而是去了普林斯頓大學該多好。再等我終于來到普林斯頓大學校園里游覽,欣賞它精致的建筑和畫一般風景的時候,我心里的一個聲音又對我說,如果當年自己真的來了普林斯頓,如今是不是還想成為另一個施一公呢?

    有人說過我從不知足,但是在努力奮斗這件事上,不滿足應該是前進的動力,我的問題在于我從未因為這些所謂的“收獲”而得到快樂和平和,相反,一直反復做考試的夢,至少說明我經常處于一種焦慮的情緒中。此時想起了本科老師的一句話:如果有個學歷叫“博士后平方”,也會有人去讀,這大概說的也是我這種,永遠需要通過一種清晰的外部界定才能獲得些許心理安慰的人。

    當然我從來就不是開掛的錦鯉,更沒有不付出就輕易收獲的經歷。曾經的想法是,大概成績和考學這回事,自己必付出了比常人更多的自律和努力才達到了目標,因此也就覺得心安理得。至今我還記得高三那年正反面密密麻麻書寫的數學草稿紙,賣廢品的時候稱了5公斤。也許這些努力和付出太心酸,所以抵消了快樂。只是我仍舊不很明白自己為何不能喜歡自己,長的不丑,活的不窮,還有一份很體面的工作,但就是覺得自己十分的不美好。

    后來我的領悟來源于一個學生,她曾經是學校的舞蹈大賽冠軍,卻仍舊嫌棄自己不夠漂亮,自己所有的關注力都在身體不完美的地方,什么鼻子不夠挺,臉太圓,眼睛不夠大等等。意料之中她聯系了專業的整容醫生,做好了全套的檢查甚至整容方案,猶豫不決的時候,醫生對她說,你也不用再糾結,你再漂亮,也有人比你更漂亮。最終,因為醫生的這句話,她放棄了整容,接納了自己漂亮但不完美的容貌。

    你再漂亮,也有人比你更漂亮。

    你再優秀,也有人比你更優秀。

    我終于明白自己和這個女孩子一樣,心中追求的其實是一種極致的完美,爬上再高的山,也還是想看看山那邊的風景,而看過了山那頭的浮華,還是沒有覺得自己置身于美景之中,至少,還沒有停下腳步欣賞當年的春華秋實,又幻想著來年的夏熾冬雪,如此循環往復。我唯一該慶幸的是自己永遠在追求自身的進步,而沒有對物質或極端的欲望有著無窮無盡、無所畏懼的攫取。

    無論是容貌、財富還是自身獲得的成就,有的時候與其說我們是想讓別人認可,不如說是更想讓自己認可,對極致完美的追求每每都充斥著人們深深的焦慮和欲望。而被別人認可是一時的,被自己認可卻是一生。焦慮和欲望往往產生于人們自己對環境的潛意識判斷中,充滿了主觀性,看到的不很真實,感受到的也不很正確。如果只能感受到自卑或他人對自己的敵視和否定,往往伴隨而來的會是更加糟糕的境遇。反過來說,不論自己在他人眼中多么完美和富足,如果自己感受到的只有焦慮和不滿,則會使奮斗和努力都失去了最終的意義。

    佛祖在菩提樹下問一人:“在世俗的眼中,你有錢、有勢、有一個疼愛自己的妻子,你為什么還不快樂呢?”

    此人答曰:“正因為如此,我才不知道該如何取舍。”

    佛祖笑笑說:“我給你講一個故事吧。某日,一游客就要因口渴而死,佛祖憐憫,置一湖于此人面前,但此人滴水未進。佛祖好生奇怪,問之原因。答曰:湖水甚多,而我的肚子又這么小,既然一口氣不能將它喝完,那么不如一口都不喝。”

    講到這里,佛祖露出了燦爛的笑容,對那個不開心的人說:“你記住,你在一生中可能會遇到很多美好的東西,但只要用心好好把握住其中的一樣就足夠了。弱水有三千,只需取一瓢飲。”

    人生求索的漫漫長路,不論結果如何,都需要內心的一份平靜與安寧,領悟到多少不重要,但需要真正的喜歡并接納自己,接受自己的不完美,與達不到的愿望相妥協,最終在矛盾中堅持初心并有所取舍,最終殊途同歸。

    如今的我依然沒有完全的認可并接納自己,但是考試的夢已經離我遠去,希望有一天,我可以真正的喜歡上自己的不完美,擁有那份內心的知足與寧靜。

    弱水三千,只取一瓢飲。

    左岸記:著名經濟學家保羅.薩謬爾森有一個幸福公式: 幸福=效用/欲望。效用可近似看為你的個人財富,幸福可近似看為滿足感,它是現實生活狀態和心里期待的比較,效用和欲望兩者落差越大,幸福感越差。

    “哈佛幸福課”泰勒·本-沙哈爾老師是哈佛“最受歡迎的導師”之一,每他也有一個幸福公式:幸福=快樂+意義。所謂“快樂”,就是短期的、當下的一些令自我很愉悅的感受;而“意義”是長期的對他人和社會的一種價值感。

    綜合一下,一個人能感覺到幸福,就是能感受到自己活著的意義,而且這種意義具有一生的可持續性。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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