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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    不完美小孩

    2018-11-02 . 閱讀: 937 views

    文/一小點

    四季中最喜歡秋天,尤是深秋,她仿佛一雙神奇的大手,撫去了夏的躁動不安,也抵擋著寒冬的凜冽。

    秋天亦是個多風多雨的季節,一場接一場的秋雨努力壓制著仍“賊心不死”的炎夏,讓人的情緒容易變得陰郁和沉悶,想必古時諸多如李清照的“凄凄慘慘戚戚”的詩詞歌賦大抵出自秋季所感吧。

    上學時的秋天,每每晚自習回家停放自行車的時候,我都會不經意抬頭看從家的窗戶里透出的鵝黃色燈光,星星點點撒在鋪滿落葉的地面上,落葉的枯黃都鑲上了溫暖生機的顏色,灌了一路涼風的身體也開始一點點地回暖。

    我想,媽媽一定坐在沙發角落里一邊看著電視,一邊打著準備給我入冬穿的毛衣,即便她知道我會因為扎脖子穿不了幾次。

    高考前夕,她總會在每個周末給我壓一鍋肉多于湯的排骨湯,可能那時候的我真的很需要營養,一個人可以吃完一鍋,其實媽媽也是無肉不歡的人,卻也舍不得多吃幾塊。十年過去了,我仍貪戀著媽媽做的排骨湯的味道,不是它的味道多么讓人驚艷,只是因為她是媽媽做的,有著她對我滿滿的愛與期待。

    媽媽從小到大對我說的最多的一句話就是:“你是我全部的希望。”以前的我不以為然,長大以后,我才漸漸地懂得這是一句多么有分量的話。

    這讓我覺得自己必須做個聽話的好孩子,但凡有一點違背,一種莫名的負罪感就會油然而生,家庭的變故也注定讓我沒有叛逆的機會,自己也全然不想讓本就糟糕的生活雪上加霜。

    終有一天,我和老媽的進階性矛盾還是不可避免的爆發了,或許是我真的沒有辦法達到“別人家孩子”的境界,又或許是我本身不夠努力,在曾以我為傲的媽媽眼里我開始有了頹廢墮落的影子。

    她的話我不再當做硬性指標來完成,做一件事的時候也不會去考慮它是否有實際價值,只要它可以讓我快樂起來,可以讓我心無旁騖的去認真對待,這對我而言就是它的價值所在。令我費解的是,難道有自己區別于她的認知的就是所謂的叛逆么?

    我很清楚依然敬她愛她,這是完全不相干的兩件事,實在沒有混為一談的理由。

    我知道,媽媽經歷過的打擊和磨難是我這輩子都無法感同身受的,所以對我的期待也自然是只贏不虧,那種灼灼希望是我隨時都能嗅到的迫切,會讓我衍生出一種隱隱的不適感,但一想到她之前經歷過的,就真的覺得自己這種小情緒又算的了什么。

    她一直覺得自己是虧欠我的,不能讓我擁有一個幸福美滿的家庭,所以處處保護著我不受傷害。

    后來離開她去上學、工作,當然不是所有人都會像她那般遷就著我的任性,我仍會陷入千奇百怪的困境,不斷的碰壁來成長和自我完善,倘若我一直停留在她的羽翼之下,可能真的會成為一個她心中的完美小孩,但終歸是那個長不大的小孩,甚至都無法正視她的生老病死,只是習慣了她為我雨天撐傘,她不在的時候我是否也只能祈求不要下雨。

    如今承載著我20年悲喜故事的房子真的空了,唯獨那盞泛著鵝黃色光的燈仍會在每個秋的夜里溫暖著我,就像媽媽溫柔的目光一樣,有期待,也有寵愛,我想,我會帶著這份期待努力前行,也會在這份寵愛的加持下,做她不太完美的小孩。

    左岸記:孩子并不需要也不可能太完美,當孩子不太完美時,請父母要完全接納。

    去見你想見的人吧。趁陽光正好,趁微風不噪,趁繁花還未開至荼蘼,趁現在還年輕,還可以走很長很長的路,還能訴說很深很深的思念,趁世界還不那么擁擠,趁飛機還沒有起飛,趁現在自己的雙手還能擁抱彼此,趁我們還有呼吸。

    如果你不是完美的父母,就別去苛求自己的孩子。孩子之所以成長,就是在不斷改善自己的不完美之處。父母承認孩子的不足之處,無條件地接納孩子,讓孩子在自己的時間段里,慢慢地、一步一個腳印、踏踏實實地成長。不知不覺中,孩子會進步,大家會幸福和美滿。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 不完美小孩

    1. 沒有人是完美的 要以什么眼光去看待他

    2. 失去的很可惜,可貴的是還沒失去的

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