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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    生命里會消逝的情愫

    2018-06-25 . 閱讀: 1,150 views

    文/鄒近夫

    現代人保存記憶的方法似乎簡單而有效,輕輕一按相機便可完成,比如每去到一個地方,盡可能地多拍一些照片,篩選之后形成相冊,充當往后的回憶,內心也獲得充實感。后來數碼相機取代膠卷,網絡云端扮演記憶的黑匣子,人們再也不用經過相機拍攝、保留膠卷、沖洗相片、買相冊保存等一系列繁瑣的動作,只需一根數據線便可將手機或數碼相機里的照片大批量地上傳保存。

    不需要取舍,也不需要篩選,籠統地保存在一塊兒,心里也就有了安慰。

    總盼望著時光平靜,再把那記憶翻出來,可是后來放進黑匣子的照片越多,記憶就越空,令人目不暇接的光影里,似乎沒有時間去細細回味了。五月初時,遺失了手機,那未來得及上傳的相片說沒就沒了,那是正月以來拍攝的照片,有記錄生活的,有旅游風光的,也有工作的。盡管腦海里的印象還在,但回憶卻是零零碎碎的一片,不過很快也會忘掉,怎不叫人傷心呢?當這些突然消失的時候,一種歲月斷裂的痕跡仿如一道結了痂的傷疤,隱隱作痛。我失去了這段歲月,生命里好似再沒有機會與她重逢。如果有一天,網絡云端也不見了,那么我保存記憶的黑匣子是不是也會因此而無處安放呢?也許時光里,永遠藏著一個不曾輕易見到的靈魂,光影相交、歲月重疊之際便會將過往畫在夢里。

    無奈之余整理相片,意圖找出每一年的照片,從回憶里覺出一點酸甜苦辣的味道。可無論從云端還是手機相冊,都找不出我想要的情懷,滄海桑田的、歲月變遷的、物是人非的。那些讓歲月失真的鮮明色彩,竟讓那些失掉的時光僵立在昨天。我沒有深切地感受到時間流逝給我帶來的年代感,也沒有感受到相片給我帶來的懷念感,它失去了承載記憶的作用,不再讓人覺得珍貴。可是存在箱底的兒時照片,反而給了我追憶往事的沖動,一經回想,我的記憶便幾經輾轉地落到童年那個時代。

    我更喜歡照片以相冊的形式保存下來,盡管會褪色,會泛黃,甚至會模糊,但這就是生命本身的樣子,會逐漸地消失,消失在親朋好友的印象里,消失在下一代人的記憶里。

    還記得讀書那會兒,總把老師給出的重點用實線、雙實線、波浪線,或者括弧來標記,札記就寫在旁邊,寫不下的時候貼一紙條,紅色、黃色、藍色都有,自視樂趣甚多。考試時往往經由這些筆記聯想到書上的重點,書頁的樣式。后來喜歡閱讀課外典籍,但是不忍心用彩色筆把自己認為經典的語句畫出來,只得以折疊的方式把一本書折得老厚。讀完之后再一一看去,亦是樂趣甚多。可自從電子書上線后,我常常端著平板一看好幾個小時,一目十行地看,輕觸翻頁,拉出很多書簽,寫下很多批注,劃上許多條線。

    不用記住段前段后,也不著急回憶,更不用管首尾照應。

    因為電子書可以查找,省去了腦力,因為來日方長,好像隨時可以翻看。雖然從中覺出點閱讀的愉悅來,但等到真要回憶這部書時,卻忘了當時為何要復看前面的情節。沒有折疊的頁腳,也沒有褶皺的書頁。尤其是意圖追憶自己的閱讀經歷,聞不見書香的電子文檔不再讓我內心覺得充盈,也無法從段落行間找到曾經讓我大為感動的描述。我失去了這段歲月,生命里也好似再沒有機會與她重逢。我的歲月一下子沒有了印記,當時閱讀的思考和感受形同驕陽下的果子,干澀了,萎縮了。

    我更喜歡聞到油墨書香和觸摸文字的感覺。折一張紙,似乎把心里的秘密全部折進里頭,盡管褶皺會被歲月的擠壓在慢慢蕩平,但永遠有一道淺淺的印記還刻在記憶里,如果有一天久別重逢,那些曾讓我感動的故事又舒展開來,變得溫潤了。

    小時候立在屋旁的梧桐樹下,清新的空氣撲鼻而來,當千絲萬縷的陽光飄上東邊的云海,漏過窸窸窣窣的葉子照射在臉上,真實的一切仿佛可以用手捧住。那時的睡與醒格外分明,一覺醒來之后并不覺得渾渾噩噩,尤其是赤腳踩在凹凸不平的泥土上,這種與大自然融為一體的感覺,至今都讓我記憶猶新。草木會枯榮,大地會褪色,不需修飾,也不需水泥覆蓋,一深一淺的腳印是日積月累踏出來的;墻角的紅磚粉末和黃土沙,是調和西邊彩霞的原材料;陽光在露珠里會發光發亮。

    把家理解成精神上的支柱,那磚瓦便是記憶的組成部分,草木也是。

    雨后黃昏,泥土的芬芳縈繞在空氣中,不帶灰塵,不帶刺鼻的琉璃味,如同一個清新脫俗的少女,慢慢地走近,向你傾訴春天的盎然,冬日的冰霜。猶記得“黎明即起,灑掃庭除。”從小便給我留下極為深刻的印象,持一把掃帚從里到外,樓上到樓下,將院落通通打掃一遍,昨夜蜘蛛精心編制了一晚上的煩惱,都在清晨揮手告別。安然地坐在門前的石階上,看時間從正午走向黃昏,那西邊的云從里一定有最像蒼狗的一朵,你數著數著,星星便露出頭來,黑夜并不會讓人倉皇而被動,也不會讓人因為歲月匆匆而焦慮。

    我更喜歡這樣的家,她給我帶來的感覺是舒適的,安穩的,寧靜的,不應該是擁擠的,匆忙的,壓抑的。家從頭到尾就只有一個,是你出生的那個地方,她給的記憶最真切,也只有她才能讓你心如止水。

    左岸記:因為有比較,所以會有不同的心里感受,這是實實在在的。保存在相冊里的照片和保存在云端的照片因為載體不同,用心不同,所以感受不同。一種是精挑細選的有心記憶,一種是隨走隨拍即時存放的樂趣。人生的日常也是如此,當每一天都呈現一樣的內容時,那么一生就無可追憶,沒有壓痕,沒有深刻的標注,沒有回去的路,那就走得再遠,也是蒼白。

    超級喜歡作者對生活細節的描寫。于是我對照片、讀過的書、陽光、房子、蜘蛛、云彩……有了更美妙的記憶。

     

    筆者簡介:愛生活,愛音樂,愛寫作。生于安詳而輕舒的村莊卻活在人聲鼎沸、環境嘈雜的建筑工地,工程是我的合法妻子,寫作則是我的情人。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    1 Comments On 生命里會消逝的情愫

    1. 每天睜開眼還活著,無比幸運

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