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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    看不見“我”的年紀,黑暗里睜著的眼

    2018-03-21 . 閱讀: 954 views

    文/德魯伊

    孤獨的標志,不是夜晚開著的燈,而是黑暗里睜著的眼。---題記

     

    我從不失眠,我睡不著的時候喜歡閉著眼。

    曾經幾次起夜,然后窗外遠處高樓上,總是有幾盞燈亮著。偶爾想,這些人還不睡,辛苦。和朋友交流這事兒,朋友說我沒心沒肺,真失眠的人,只會睜著眼,不會開燈。

    手機看累了,扔下;身體疲倦了,洗個舒服的澡;拿本書來催眠,感覺馬上倒頭睡了,只要放下書、閉上眼,你發現自己瞬間又清醒了。

    你開始注意晚上不喝茶、少吃飯,走路、慢跑、瑜伽。你身上卻像裝了轉換開關,困的像狗了,只要沾上床,你就清醒的無以復加。

    喝點酒吧,微醺、渾身熱熱的,一切在眼里朦朧如紗的美麗,睡的安穩,自己的鼾聲都隱約聽得見。只可惜,半夜渴了起來喝水,一杯水下去,頭很疼,還無比清醒……

    據說,對過去不滿,早起的時候會無比疲憊;對現在不滿,你永遠覺得自己不在狀態;對未來擔憂,你會在深夜里輾轉。

    青春走了,中年來了?

    中年和青年有什么區別呢?青年就是,你以為你是一個不一樣的人,骨子里卻就是個普通人;到了中年,卻是,雖然你明知自己是個普通人,卻連承認的權利都沒有。

    中年是否油膩,這個約摸著和現在無關。歲月能給你包漿,一定和你的材質和經歷有染。多年的媳婦熬成婆,最后成為的是“婆”,不是“你”。就算被再多的人鄙夷,你曉得你的中年是你自己的,沒什么見不得人,也正常的不得了。

    你懶得尋找“我”,你的角色已經太多了,為人父母、為人兒女、為人領導、為人下屬、為人朋友、為人情人、為人提款機、為人工具……,每一個都天經地義,缺這一個“我”無所謂。

    你的中年,前不見古人,后不見來者,一個人猥瑣的涕淚橫流。

    你在“追憶似水年華”和“幸好歲月已流逝”中轉換,咀嚼后的渣子,名叫:孤獨。沒什么味兒但可以讓你占著嘴,不用說話也不用思考。

    拿寂寞說事的估計都還年輕,拿孤獨說事的應該老大不小了。真到開始享受孤獨,不恐懼,甚至有點上癮,離那個走失很久的“我”,邂逅的時刻快到了。

    ***

    學習冥想,靜心止思。冥想和讀書是一回事,總要學會隨時隨地。當我們不能感知我們的身體、不能讓大腦停止思考,造成的混亂,不是一個孤獨可以搪塞過去的。冥想讓身體清明,撥云見天。靜心的目的很簡單,感知自己身體的細微末節,讓意識成為可控。

    承認自己是一個普通人。網絡時代,你最多了解的是別人的成功和光鮮。于是,你以為這個世界上存在最多的是成功的人。而沉默的大多數,只有在“為什么我不成功”里自戕自殘。你普通的不能再普通了,你這輩子唯一能成功的就是做一個“與眾不同的普通人”。

    培養一個愛好吧。與“我”可以獨處,通常都是圣人的專利。君子慎獨,鼓搗一些不打擾別人的愛好,會讓你在孤獨的時候似乎有知己相伴。“人無癖不真”,享受達成自我的滿足感,那些愛好會讓你更像一個活生生的人。

    總要鍛煉一下身體的。人唯一能左右和負責的,一定不是你的容顏,而是你的健康和身材。微胖但健康,眼睛明亮,這個不需要你的運氣和財富,需要你對自己的愛,對別人的愛。健康是你的底線,身材是底線的標準。

    不要被情緒左右。何為君子,不貳過、不遷怒。不貳過很難,你的磨難看多了,其實都差不多,說是短板也好,說是性格也行。但這個不遷怒,是稍稍注意點就成的。嗔恨心不毀善根,可以有情緒。情緒來了,出現了,別轉移到他人身上。

    學習什么時候都不遲。你被別人超越,不是因為別人跑得快,而是你停止了。每周的自我清單管理,只問自己這周又學到什么即可。你追什么都行,這個世界不是被驅趕就是被吸引。唯一能讓你定住神的,就是學點新東西。

    微笑和感恩會讓你看起來很好。多久沒有發自內心的微笑了?多少笑是敷衍和搞笑?多少時間里,你已經只記得世界的險惡,而感受不到一點值得感謝的事情和人?想想你周圍看起來很好的人,他們一定心存感激、帶著微笑。

    ***

    你以為孤獨可以找到自我,卻發現,越孤獨,自我越虛無。

    你以為孤獨是和中年劃等號的,其實也就是個不得已的結果,是因為你感覺不到“我”了,黑暗里你睜著眼。

    ***

    我一直有個小妙招,讓自己的心情變好,那就是擁抱,試著和你的親人朋友擁抱,一下下就好,但需要用一些力……

    左岸記:我看不見自己的年紀,因為我基本不會失眠,遇到再大的事,也不會睡不著。挨了床,只要是想睡,大腦就會發出一條指令,讓身體完全放松下來,身體仿佛變得非常輕盈,不到一分鐘,鐵定沉沉睡去。而且一旦睡去就很難醒過來,除非事先在大腦里設置一個時間點,或者使用鬧鐘。所以,我的睡眠質量很高,每天睡夠五個小時就可以保證一天充沛的精力了。德魯伊說的小妙招,我沒有在朋友身上試過,因為還不習慣去用力擁抱別人,但我會經常和孩子擁抱一下,尤其是在孩子受委屈了時候,我會用力地擁抱他一下,他也會用力地抱我一下,很明顯地,孩子立刻眉開眼笑了,我的心中也有了某種很溫暖的力量。

    ----------

    作者簡介:德魯伊,70后。理工科碩士,喜歡寫作,職業經理人。

    人入中年,攜妻帶子,止思踐行,與世界融洽、與自己坦然,充滿快樂生活的勇氣。

    “質樸、靈動、喜悅、淡和”是為人生準則,“于人有用,于己有趣”是為人生標準。

    文風以毀雞湯、靜心冥想、兒童教育、心理應用等見長。

    著有:《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版),

    《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得 2》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版),

    《沒走過的是路,走過的才是人生》(心智成熟心理學作品,作家出版社出版),

    《在疲憊的世間任性的活》(散文雜文集,文匯出版社)

     

     

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    4 Comments On 看不見“我”的年紀,黑暗里睜著的眼

    1. 歲月能給你包漿,一定和你的材質和經歷有染。這句很棒!

    2. 左岸的睡眠質量好羨慕啊,不知道一直是這樣還是刻意修煉過??

      • @小蟻 帶有一點點的刻意,讓意識能瞬間沉睡。

    3. 中年和青年有什么區別呢?青年就是,你以為你是一個不一樣的人,骨子里卻就是個普通人;到了中年,卻是,雖然你明知自己是個普通人,卻連承認的權利都沒有。

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