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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    柔和的自己,才是兵來將擋水來土掩的盾牌

    2018-03-17 . 閱讀: 1,282 views

    文/郭阿靜

    一個陽光燦然的午后,坐在辦公室的格子間里,突然有一種畢業八年之感的滄桑與恍惚。

    1.

    今年八月初的大學同學聚會,依舊是班長和其他幾個班干部在群里叫囂地厲害,他們幾個熱熱鬧鬧地安排行程、訂制酒店、統計人數、核算成本等等,一如既往的精干與周密。

    其實,這幾個人平時也是群里的活躍分子,只要其中一個人發出一個表情包,頓時便會有人熱烈響應,每每都是等你忙完手頭工作,不過幾分鐘的時間,再打開對話框,梯子已經爬得高不見底了。而這一次,我又選擇了潛水,一如多年前我在班里的角色,因為缺乏個性,沒有突出點,又不懂得努力提升,因此注定默默無聞,不被人記掛。

    報名伊始,陸陸續續有十余人響應,而大多數人都不忘加上一句:“具體看時間待定”,以便突然變卦,給自己留下一條冠冕堂皇的退路。

    等到聚會的日子真正到來的時候,只剩下五個人,其中一個還是某兩位同學家的小不點。之前沒有報名的,依舊默默潛水,偷瞄進展;而報過名沒去成的另外幾個,真正應了“時間不允許”這一設定條件。

    八年,班里除了幾個依舊單身的男女,其他人都循了三十而立的軌跡,有了家庭,有了孩子,也多少有了一些牽絆,其實,我想,此時此刻,桎梏我們的,更多的不是現實的牽絆,而是在日復一日的歲月打磨之下,我們早已失去了拼命奔赴的熱情和力量。

    后來,聚會還是如期進行了。看他們發來的圖片,飯桌上滿滿的菜肴,映襯著幾張佯裝熱忱的面龐,有點寂寥。酒足飯飽,幾個大男孩兒拿著小不點的沙灘鏟,有模有樣的比劃著,略顯滑稽,又不失可愛。最后一張圖片,戳中了淚點:三個后背微坨的中年男人,步子堅定地走在燈光熹微的街角,其中一個還背著小不點,給這一行人拍照的,一定是那個嫁給愛情的女同學——小不點的媽媽。

    2.

    有一位大學時要好的,但不甚看好我的女同學,畢業之后,先是在一家五星級酒店做客服,遇到他現在的先生,婚后又輾轉回到老家縣城任教,兢兢業業。八年間,我們總共見過兩次面,一次是我給她介紹男朋友,另一次是她有事請我吃飯。其間除了聊一些相熟同學的現狀片段,我們的之間的對話一度陷入尷尬。

    大學畢業后,我一直是在專業的條線上發展,期間結婚生子,升職降職又復職,行業不同,生活軌跡不同,能聊的話題果真是少之又少。有些人,注定要在特定的時段,特定的環境里,陪你走上一程,那段時日里,你們交流心得,探討未來,或迷茫,或堅定,或歡喜,或憂傷,然而,一旦散了,便無論如何都預估不到彼此未來的模樣。

    這些年,業余時間我陸續發表過一些文章,建立了個人博客和公眾號,算不得有成就,只是可能在大多數人的柴米油鹽和按部就班之外,開辟了一片心靈凈土罷了。而比之更重要的是,在現實面前,我還沒有放棄夢想。

    有一次,她無意間得知我的這些狀況之后,即興賦詩一首,內容不記得了,但字里行間,透露著我當年挫敗的事實,以及對如今所謂種種的刮目相看。

    我的心底淡然而過,早過了寵辱驚慌的年紀,這些年,要說我唯一做得最好的,就是堅持,比如懷孕生子,再難受疲累,從未請過一天假;比如職場中經歷過一些挫敗,依舊沒有放棄成長;還有,這些年我利用細碎的時光,開始梳理生活的軌跡,再用溫柔的筆觸一點點地記錄下時間的刻度,而時光也不遺余力地為我鍍上一副叫做“知性”的皮囊。

    3.

    前兩天見到一位原來的同事,并不友好的,甚至可以說是帶著挑釁地聲東擊西。三年前我的折戟沙場,她的所作所為功不可沒。這是一個情商和智商都很高的人,新穎的點子很多,盡管狠起來也是不擇手段,但是八年的經驗證明,善良在職場上的占比并不高。因此,她的職場,在那些所謂才能的支撐之下,一路開掛,如今,已經做上了核心部門經理的位置。然后,她看到我還在一點一點地啃制度,記筆記,鄙視不已。的確,比之于她,我早已落下了太遠。

    她是來我們項目組織員工競聘的,接下來,我看著十幾個年輕正盛的小姑娘,妝容精致,衣服筆挺,精神煥發地,競聘一個領班的崗位,這個崗位于我而言,早已沒有了吸引力,而對于初入職場的他們,每一次細小的嘗試,都是一個嶄新的起點罷。

    這些年我在同一個部門里,摸爬滾打,所有的崗位都做到了兩年以上,雖然算不上頂尖,但已經足以游刃有余地應對日常的條條框框,以及突如其來的緊急事件,然后我又一次被推選為部門負責人。三年時間,仿佛一個輪回,從平行到頂峰,再到谷底,而后又逐步上升,其間的歷練與攀升,是一寸寸時光的打磨。我當初那些堅硬的棱角,也早已被磨得圓潤。不再咄咄逼人,不再火冒三丈,不再輕信讒言,而我終究發現,如今柔和的自己,其實才是兵來將擋水來土掩的盾牌。

    我似乎也有一點像子君,我的前半生,由于職場道路選擇了安穩舒適,因此也就扼殺了自我發展的契機,直至有一天,我發現安穩的背后是嚴重的故步自封與漏洞百出,我看到后來者居上,一個個奔跑著將自己甩開老遠,才氣急敗壞地、極不情愿的跳出這一切。而此后一段時間,邁出的每一步都是如此艱難,彎路不可避免,糾結會繞腸。而這些磨難,終將會成為一片片堅實的磚瓦,鋪就我腳下的成長之路。?

    八年,其實,歸結為四個字,那就是:“成長”與“傳承”罷。通過自身的努力,將美好的傳承下來,將不美好的變得美好起來。這樣才不枉八年間,我們為了夢想,各奔東西,各自為戰的初衷。

    左岸記:你可以選擇驚艷時光,也可以溫柔歲月。驚艷的,選擇開疆擴土;溫柔的,選擇美好守護。得到的再多,不懂珍惜,不會守護,最后大多會再失去吧。所以,強勢是矛,用于開拓進取,堅強是盾,用于守護。最堅強的,莫過于經歷坎坷,依然溫柔以待。


    所有的文字都在捕捉一種驚動。 只為他日流連的路上,回首處目光有個落點。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    1 Comments On 柔和的自己,才是兵來將擋水來土掩的盾牌

    1. 拜讀了,感謝。

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