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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    受勸的難堪

    2018-03-10 . 閱讀: 646 views

    文/谷米

    <1>

    那百子柜不大,看起來有些年頭了。柜前擺著個玻璃柜,里面裝滿了各種藥品。她就游走在中間那窄窄的一小塊地兒,手里操著把精致的戥子,不時回頭看看玻璃柜上的藥方子,繼而一個個地拉開藥斗,抓起一小撮稱。

    她是我媽的朋友,我和我媽正在她經營的一所小藥店,在此之前也曾來過。

    就近找了凳子坐下。往里看,還有三個老人,她正給老人抓藥。

    就個停下來休息的當兒,她對著我媽說,“嗯——剛過年,你是吃胖了。”

    又看了看我,“你倒是瘦,都沒給你吃飯是吧。怕不是親生的?”一邊說著一邊就笑出了聲。

    “對,撿來的。”我媽也笑,開玩笑說。

    她愛開玩笑,有時卻也嚴肅。

    她們就這樣有幾句沒一句地說了起來。

    我呢?四處張望打發著時間。

    ?<2>

    我剛上大學。但大學生——畢業的沒畢業的——早就已經多得數不過來了,要說我有什么比較不一樣的——我在蓄發,作為一個男生——當然,要留長的。我不學音樂不通畫,并沒有特別的理由需要如此,只是我愿意。長發男在電視里早已見怪不怪,真到生活里來,還是很多人不習慣。定主意的時候便已預料到所要面對的阻力。

    家長、親朋好友就是道最難過的關。長輩聊天,談天論地,總是避免不了要談及我這長頭發的。對這些幾乎一致的勸說,也只能是硬著頭皮笑著聽,扯開話題來。時間久了,也漸漸沒什么,我也以為自己已經能習慣別人的看法了。

    ?<3>

    “手。”

    伸出了右手給她把脈。只是些小毛病,很快就診斷完畢。沒有其他人來看病,她們接著聊家常。

    “我是第一次見你兒子吧?”

    我和我媽對望了一眼。“不是啊,來過的,”我媽說,“可能是因為這頭發吧。”

    她瞅著我的頭發,要板起臉來。

    “頭發留這么長,都要比我的長了。”

    我沒說話。我媽說道:“沒辦法,一心想著留長。”

    “大學生就應該有大學生的樣子,”說著她就站起來,取了一瓶藥,又坐下,“這樣不男不女的像什么……”

    她一直講。與其說是講,不如說是近乎訓斥,像犯了錯時面對長輩,沒有商量的余地。

    我抿了抿嘴唇,聽著她講,不好移開目光埋下頭。將放在桌子上的手移下來撐住膝蓋。撐著不著力,又將手放上了桌子。

    說完,她不做聲,就盯著我。

    我看得清楚,那張嚴肅的臉——前所未有的嚴肅——我腦子一片空白。為著那雙就在眼前,卻似相隔千里的眼,我多少有些發憷。

    我快要不能保持微笑,卻不曉得應該擺出什么表情。

    ?<4>

    “明天,把頭發剪了。”

    這是她留下的最后一句話,回家一路上一直在腦海里嗡嗡作響。

    我被懾住了,被這道不容置疑的“命令”。

    ?<5>

    或許在每個人身上都有發生過:有時想做些改變,或是做自己想做的事情,但是還來不及有所行動,還來不及應付路途上的疲憊,單是面對親友的苦口婆心,就已經耗盡所有氣力。選專業、做規劃,抑或是結交知己朋友,卻難免有不和諧的聲音出現。哪怕那都是出于善意,奈何叫人難堪、退卻。

    很多人選擇放棄,不是因為那些聲音說得有多對,而是那份難堪苦在心里。

    可正因為太多次不堪勸說而放棄,太多次想要有所作為卻盡不如人意,陷入迷茫,我要找尋光亮,以留長發的方式。迷茫,卻不愿迷失。

    ?<6>

    “所以你去不去理發。”回家的路上我媽問道。

    風徐徐撲到我臉上,吹得發絲飄揚。我揚起嘴角。

    “不去的。”

    左岸記:想勇敢地做自己,內心是要非常強大的,不只是要面對無關緊要的人的議論,要面對更大的難堪是自己身邊的人的不理解。

    當你的行為和他們眼中預期的不一樣時,他們會苦口婆心、會嗤之以鼻、會直接發難,以他們認為正確的樣子來勸說你、評價你、命令你。

    這樣的事情多了去了,因為大多數心中總有一個大眾的標準,就是大多數人怎么樣,你也應該那樣才對。

    這其實很無理,對不對?每個人都有權利過自己想要的生活,對不對?所以,這里面存在著一個邊界的問題,什么事能管,什么事不要管。

    確定事情的邊界有兩人個法則:

    一個叫普遍性的必然法則,看事情與行為,是不是必然的,是不是普遍性的。

    另一個是權利法則,看引發事情的行為,是不是合理的、符合權利概念的。

    上面的故事中,這位阿姨犯了越界的錯誤,第一,人就不能留長發嗎,男人就不能有長發嗎?第二,她命令“我”理發,是她的權利嗎,“我”的頭發歸不歸她管呢?

    道理就是這樣,大家都明白,但為什么大家都不說什么呢?包括“我”在內,在別人的議論、勸說里寧可笑而不語,也不去爭辯呢?

    這是因為不同的人的認知層面不同,超出理解范圍的,根本就無話說明,要說明也可以,成本會非常高。所以,這也是為什么有的人只見了一面,就再見不到了,因為人家根本就是不想見。

    而如果一個人,能特立獨行到被認可,那么那些個性的特征反而會變成大眾喜歡的樣子。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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