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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    以成長的名義

    2018-03-04 . 閱讀: 870 views

    在我眼里,成長是一門技術活。你選擇的每一種方式,都將深深影響你此后的漫漫人生。——題記

    我是斑馬先生,2006級東北財經大學工商管理學院的學生,畢業后一直在銀行系統工作,從最開始的國有銀行到領先的股份制銀行,從最基礎的柜員到部門總,這份工作,一做就是7年。就在今年,我選擇重新上路,離開深耕多年的銀行系統,加入到某財富公司,開啟了自己財富管理行業的元年。回過頭看,銀行就像一臺質量上乘、風控嚴格,但四平八穩、笨重緩慢的精密儀器。在這個系統里,你真切體會到百年金融機構的做事風格,品味反思其中的行為邏輯。這些從上世紀就逐漸積累起來的銀行理念,時刻影響著你。

    身邊會有很多人問我為什么離開銀行,我并沒有一個更高明的解釋,并且不得不承認在整個金融業態里,銀行的地位毋庸置疑,這也是銀行人天生驕傲的來源,或者再換一個詞:審慎保守。不吹不黑,說的是一種感覺。在我三十歲的年紀,我渴望在一個充滿可能性的公司,去發現自己身上更多的可能。人活一世,做任何事都要付出成本,最大的成本,就是自己的時間和激情。

    在我有限的工作時間里有幸走了很多地方,結交了很多人,林林總總的經歷不斷修正著我眼中外面的世界。回望來路,真切的發現,當學生踏入社會,面對現實,才算是真正開始自己的人生道路。至于這篇文章的由來,我只是想說一個故事,向你說說,我是誰,我從哪來,要到哪去。

    記憶里,經歷了很多次離別,這里面有兩次是印象最深刻的,第一次是收拾行李離家上大學,十八歲時的欣喜與雀躍至今歷歷在目;第二次是四年后的大學畢業,帶著對過去的遺憾,對未來的惶恐,壯士割腕般的上了南下的火車。

    我來自遼寧撫順,省內的一個小城市,在我三十年的人生里,以十八歲為界,前后兩段形成了鮮明的對比,作為一名體育生,從被學校勒令退學到高考文科第一,我的這段成長過于慘烈,以至于形成一種斷裂,好似一切都在一夜之間完成,大夢初醒,不得不把身上的痞氣、對父母愛的無能為力、對初戀的耿耿于懷統統一起打包扎捆,藏在床底。我一直深信,校園是一個盡享優待的地方,即使再頑劣不化、再放浪形骸,社會都能給予足夠的包容,大學畢業前我開始意識到時日無多,前途路遙馬乏,這是最后的驛站。我迫切的想去記住,記住那些發生在我成長中的故事,人的記憶會出錯,會模糊,會淡忘,所以我把它記錄在我的小說里。想象著,在某一個草長鶯飛、陽光明媚的下午,畢業多年的你偶然翻起,會訝異:啊!那間教室我經常去占座,那館子我們經常去喝......甚至會在品咂一杯祁門小種后,和一班老同學開始撫書追憶:

    當年入學時,東財有校車來接,所以還算方便,少了周折。人滿后車子發動,能看得出每個人都很興奮,終于要見到東財了,好不好自己4年的青春都丟給了這兒。車上大三的志愿者用特有的成熟和調侃向大家介紹著學校的一切。46個社團的百家爭鳴,文藝對抗賽的精彩紛呈,創業大賽的慷慨激昂,以及櫻花路的梧桐,東門的夜市,稻花香的生煎和牛肉餅…似乎真的是個天堂,這又減輕了大家旅途的疲憊。

    (對呀對呀,我們也是...你還記得XXX嗎...當年可是.....)

    就是這種創作的熱情,即使在我最繁忙的考研期間,每晚也堅持完成7、8千字,這樣的日子持續到我畢業。在我眼里,除了畢業證,它是我青春歲月里的另一份文憑。

    誠然,在我三十歲的年紀,還沒有資格說教,告訴你們應該明白長大成人、獨當一面的意義與價值,正如我必須故作老練、假裝堅強的接受我的恐懼與無奈。朋友們的羨艷、父母的期望、領導的托付讓我在現實里如履薄冰。更多時候,我會感到力不從心,我會通過很多形式化的東西給予自己力量,在我的辦公室擺滿了多肉,這部小說寫于大學,我把它當做我精神世界里的一盆多肉,6年間不斷修剪呵護,將心思和經歷化作陽光和水滴,靜待它安然生長。人生天地之間,若白駒過隙,忽然而已。我不擅長講故事,沒有憑空想象信手拈來的本事,更淡不上敘事宏大跌宕起伏,書里記載的都是我青春歲月里真實發生的,它們時常會出現在我的夢里,大聲的笑著,無端的鬧著,那么肆意的讓花兒都開了。那時未來有那么多可能,那時會沖動的愛上一個人,那時的誓言太美太響亮。都說青春無處安放,現在我將這株6年精心呵護的多肉拿出來,更多的是告慰自己,將自己的青春安全的存放在書里,僅此而已。

    在我的身邊有很多睿智的長者,大多是我的前輩,成了忘年交。我深知,社會的焦慮早已淹沒了校園的淡泊,越長大越是迷茫,原本篤定的慢慢被否定,堅信好的卻不斷失去。我們的生活陷入一個怪圈,為了逃避不斷出走,卻陷入更大的孤獨。心懷詩與遠方奮力前行,卻不斷被現實打回原形,更像是一種嘲諷,每一次臨近功成圓滿時便被清零,深愛的正在失去,相聚的也會分離......請相信,這些我都懂。我們雖處于不同的年齡,我能說這就是成長么?我能說成長只能慢慢熬么?

    成長于我們,是神圣的、荒誕的;簡單的、復雜的;平靜的、慘烈的;短瞬的、冗長的;銘記的、遺忘的;我不吹不黑,我的故事里沒有心靈雞湯、沒有無病呻吟,更多的是我冷眼旁觀下,看到的那些可愛的人做出的可愛的事,現在看來也許會幼稚,但在彼時,在當事人眼里卻是比天還大的事情。

    關于未來,我會去哪兒?我也不知道。每個年初都會做出詳細的計劃,到年尾的時候再拿出來一一勾畫看實現了哪條,更像是一種儀式。致青春、老男孩,這般不負韶光,便得安然。


    作者簡介:

    斑馬先生:長篇小說《握一把蒼涼》作者/豆瓣簽約作家/“初見驚艷”微信公眾號創始人/現任某金融機構總監、行業高級培訓師,摘去職涯的標簽,如果可以我更愿意這么介紹自己:

    一個認真做事,在投資的世界里尋找快樂的人

    一個喜歡文字,混跡金融圈的準中年

    一個胸無大志,但認定要讓自己的人生有趣的人

    一個閱盡世故,依然對生活和未來抱有簡單而美好向往的人

    30歲前,寫了部20萬字的小說,豆瓣評分還不錯;走了些大大小小的城市,眼界還算開闊

    但,我更期待30歲后,那個未來的自己......

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    3 Comments On 以成長的名義

    1. 未來究竟如何,我不知道,每年我都會做出年度十大計劃,但最后一個都沒實現

    2. 每晚七八千字,非一般的毅力

    3. 毋論好壞,一天七八千字值得敬佩

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