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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    茫然是進步的一個重要標志

    2017-08-21 . 閱讀: 1,413 views

    文/lancy

    第一次聽到這句話是在《吳曉波頻道》節目里,當時第一反應是,茫然與進步這兩個矛盾的詞語,竟然可以放在一起。也正是因為這樣的“出其不意”,讓我一直都記著這句話。

    而近來工作和生活中遇到的一些事情,總會讓我想起這句話,今天靜下來細想,卻覺得此話越來越有道理。

    前陣子,有個朋友跟我說,她的老板總是針對她,逮著一點小事就罵個不停,而且都是給她安排一些沒什么價值的雜活。

    還沒等我說些安慰的話,她自己開始嘀咕,“為什么我總是會遇到一些負面的事情,以前在學校里就被導師欺負,本以為工作了就好了,可是為什么現在還是這樣受氣,是不是真的是我自己的問題”。

    看得出來此時的她很茫然,但我心里卻有一絲開心,因為我腦子瞬間就浮現出“茫然是進步的重要標志”。

    記得大學時,遇到那些“不好”的事或人,她總會第一時間跟我抱怨,前面幾次還好,我總能幫著她分析,或者找個解決方法,或者安慰下她。

    但是當每一次見面總是這樣的事情,我就會覺得這應該不是別人的問題,而跟她自己有很大的關系。

    當然,我不止一次地表達過這樣的想法,但是可能是時機不對,措辭不對,總之,她沒有接受,絲毫不認為自己有問題。

    所以,當聽到她開始疑惑是不是自己有問題時,我有些開心,因為孔子有句話叫做“不憤不啟,不悱不發”。

    盡管之前說過很多次,可能問題不在別人,而是自己,或許是真的時機不對吧。這個時機不是指她心情愉悅的時候,而是說要在她自己真的想要努力弄明白的時候。

    興許,之前抱怨那么多,對她而言,只是抱怨,并未想要從我這得到什么幫助,我只需要靜靜聆聽。因此,說再多其實都是徒勞。

    而這次,她是在茫然的狀態下向我傾訴,并且想要得到一些幫助,想要弄明白原因。這時候的勸說,才是有的放矢。

    所以,茫然是進步的一個重要標志,因為,當你感到茫然時,你已經脫離了那個情緒化的階段,開始正視你當前所面臨的問題,并且極力想要弄明白事情的緣由。

    任何事情,總有它的根源,而找到根源后,也總能找到相應的辦法來解決,正是通過這樣的過程,我們才能進步。

    幾米漫畫

    左岸記:

    當你迷茫的時候該干什么?你需要「平靜的獨處」,并允許沖突的發生,為了達成「和解」。成功的人是怎么做的呢?我們來看看J.K.羅琳是怎么從失敗中獲得安全感的。

    在2008年哈佛大學的畢業典禮上,羅琳回顧了自己又窮又慘的那段時期。

    上大學時,羅琳的父母希望她學一個更有用的學位,可羅琳想攻讀英語文學。“在這個星球的所有專業里,父母大概覺得沒有比研究古希臘神話更沒用的專業了,那恐怕連一個獨立衛生間都賺不到。”

    接下來的事實也的確如此。“我曾經很窮,那并不是很高貴的經歷。貧窮勾起了恐懼、壓力,有時還有絕望。那意味著無數羞辱和艱難。而靠自己努力擺脫貧窮是一件值得驕傲的事。但是,只有傻子才覺得貧窮很浪漫。”

    所以,她最害怕的事情不是貧窮,而是失敗。

    什么是失敗呢?羅琳覺得,或許對面前這一批哈佛學生而言,他們的失敗在別人看來已經是成功了。

    “畢業后僅僅七年,我的失敗如同史詩。一次無比短暫的婚姻迅速破裂,我失業,是一位單親媽媽,簡直就是現代英國人中最窮的那個,除了流浪漢。……從各種標準來說,我就是我所認識的最失敗的人。”

    “我也不打算告訴你們失敗是有趣的。那段生活很黑暗,……我不知道黑暗期還要持續多久。”

    “所以,我為什么要談論失敗的好處?僅僅是因為,失敗意味著脫離那些無關緊要的東西。我不再欺騙自己成為另一個人,我開始把所有的精力投入唯一關心的事情中。如果不是因為從沒成功過,我可能就不會堅定地要在自己擅長的領域取得成功。我完全自由了,因為最糟糕的已經經歷過了,而我還活著。我還有女兒,還有一臺打字機,和一個巨大的想法。人生的最低點,成了我重建生活的堅實基礎。”

    失敗給予她安全感。

    如果回到21歲,羅琳會對自己說:“真正的幸福在于明白生活不是由一串成就組成的。你的資質和簡歷,那些都不是生活。……生活是艱難的,復雜的,不受任何人控制的。知道這一點會讓你度過人生的跌宕起伏。”


    作者簡介:lancy,QQ/微信:1280876499;公眾號music-zone;人生三件事:伴著音樂運動、讀書、旅行。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    3 Comments On 茫然是進步的一個重要標志

    1. 我現在偶爾挺茫然的,但應該是在進步。

    2. 能帶來思考的迷茫才是進步的迷茫

    3. 苦難就是苦難,并沒有什么值得稱道美化的地方。

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