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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    他刪了我,我不說再見!

    2017-08-04 . 閱讀: 1,712 views

    文/文昌

    1.

    早上從夢中自然醒來,從床頭書桌上拿起了手機,經過一宿,電已經充滿,看了看時間才六點多,既然是周末也就為時尚早,習慣性的點開了微信朋友圈,頗有點皇帝大清早起來批閱奏折的即時感,一機在手,天下都有,足不出戶,慵懶的躺在床上就能閱遍人間無數,只是意外發現有人刪了我微信好友,那微弱的連接也就斷了線,也罷,咱也不必再見了

    2.

    朋友圈成了微信好友之間無聲的溝通渠道,每天都在記錄生活,表達著自己的喜怒哀樂,偶爾有人發表一些真知灼見,碎片化的信息本身并無太大的價值,不過極大的滿足了人們窺視的好奇心,滿足個人的虛榮心的同時,通過真誠的碎片傳遞證明個人存在,其實我們都活在了自己的朋友圈里。我們都在黑暗中并肩行走,或許朋友圈的信息呈現,就是黑暗中的一束微光,不管你說什么,至少證明你還在。

    現代社會發展太快,我們無法再有一生只愛一個人的長情,也沒有十年八年認真交一個朋友耐心,策馬奔騰匆匆轉身過后,一句“相濡以沫,不如相忘于江湖”也就成了最體面的勸慰。此時朋友圈成了恰到好處的情感連接,盡管我們不再見面,心里都清楚各自躲在手機背后,觀望著彼此,只是含情脈脈不再說話。在當下社會如何快速了解一個人?通讀一下他的朋友圈也就能略知一二,其它八九需要真實接觸,用生活的細節來彌補。

    3.

    人終究是社會動物,社交也是必不可少的,當然麥家說“不管是做人,還是做事,喧囂終究是我們的敵人”,社交不是嘩眾取寵,而是抱之以真誠,現實的生活記錄因為你的一點點真誠而多彩了一些,我想這份自由的表達也是自信的體現。除了充分的表達自我,為了獲得監督,充分利用外界情境的約束力量,先許下承諾,然后有條不紊的在朋友圈里堅持打卡,通過他人的社會力量形成促進作用,這更利于持續行動。

    當然除了情感的連接和社會監督力量的獲取,其實自我的展示,持續的不斷的堅持做一件事,不僅僅是堅持本身,更多是展示個人的技能和喜好,同時也在積累個人的品牌影響力,一件事持續做個十年八年,不說成大家,至少也會有小成。

    4.

    早上醒來,納悶那位每天堅持分享的大神,為啥不見了朋友圈的蹤影?仔細查看才發現他已經刪除了我的微信,心里為之一驚,情不自禁的想到是不是自己發了什么不該發的信息? 再深思之,也就釋然。

    每個人都有選擇的自由,我們不可能保證每個人都喜歡自己,總有那么一些意見不同,三觀不合的人討厭我們,微信好友更多的像一種關系的弱連接,自然不能有了這層弱連接而逾越了情感的界限。我想這是互聯網技術賦予了我們自由,陌生人之間更容易建立起連接,也就更容易解除彼此的聯系。當你被人拒絕或者刪除時,你是否刪除過別人呢? 緣盡了也就散了,自然不必強求,此后更不必顧忌了,你不高興那刪除我好了,我又不是為了討好你而存在的。

    針對微信朋友圈之類的情感弱連接,如果沒有現實的接觸和支撐,只有線上的粗淺連接,而沒有線下的深入交,這種弱連接彈指一揮間就灰飛煙滅,并非脆弱易逝就要珍惜,而是本身就不具備重要的價值。而對于現實的人際交往,隨時年歲的增長,愈發不那么刻意,不刻意去討好別人,也不刻意維系一段行將就木的情感連接,忙碌之時面對點頭之交,連簡單的問候顯得都有些多余。

    5.

    在傳統中國文化的價值體系里,做事先做人,在某種程度上來說,這對個人的成長本身會有誤導,滿以為做人沒問題了,事情就不要太操心,這樣下來只會成為老好人,食之無味棄之可惜的老好人。在人際交往里,這將成為別人的負累。隨著社會節奏加快,傳統的情感連接難以維系時,個人的價值體現將成為最直接的證明。

    這也就是在信息傳遞過程中,所講究的你是否提供了對別人有用的消息。之所以對方刪除了我的微信,因為我提供的信息對他而言并無太大價值,甚至我所吐露的真誠,在別人眼里是就是信息垃圾,被刪理所當然,這是別人的自由選擇,但不能成為否定我自己的依據。

    盡管朋友圈將我們整塊的時間的碎片化,如果刻意遠離又會忍不住的開刷,騰訊微信建立的用戶情感粘滯讓你欲罷不能,又愛又恨,這才是微信作為社交媒體的成功之處。對于我們個人,自然不能過分沉溺于這份無聊的窺視,浪費大量時間,同時又要善用這種平臺,建立的個人影響力。

    6.

    對于人際關系的維系,頗有點愛情的調調,我喜歡你,意味著有50%的成功可能性,但是你不喜歡我,這50%也將毫無意義。關系需要雙方勢均力敵價值均等,哪怕忘年交,那也是你得有潛質。既然主動刪了我,那我也不說再見!

    WeChat ID:changchang010? 寧波?七月

    左岸記:每個人在分手后,都愛問一個問題:為什么?

    尋找理由的原因一個是不甘心,另一個是要給自己放下找到找個合理的出口。

    然而當對方給出理由后,有時反而會更困惑,因為一切沒那么簡單。

    曾經在網上看到一個女孩說她的男友突然提出分手。她問為什么。男孩給了很多理由:現在不喜歡她了、家里堅決反對了、對她的感覺已經不是愛了、喜歡的類型和她不一樣等等。女孩又問他分手的原因究竟是什么,但對方說已經沒意義等等回避她。不能理解這些分手借口(attribution)的她,就像被冤枉的判了刑,非常地不知所措和痛苦。一個、二個或者很多個分手的理由都可能解決不了“為什么”這個問題。

    這是為什么呢?

    因為分手是一個很復雜的事情——感情破裂的最終結局。感情破裂包含各方面的問題,多層次的原因。因此要想搞清楚感情為什么破裂,你需要找到各種原因,并知道這些原因誰先誰后,誰主要誰次要,誰直接誰間接。只有弄清所有的前因后果,才能真正明白“為什么”。而分手借口只是其中一個原因,并不能解除疑惑。就像我們考試,考壞了的理由有很多:沒復習好、緊張、題難……但是考壞了的真正原因可能就是你復習不充分,不能夠舉一反三,然后碰到難題,就非常的緊張,導致你答的更差。所以,要想真正明白“為什么”,你需要一個更系統的、更有邏輯的解釋。

    如果一個人真的愛過你,有責任,他會告訴你;如果他不回答,那很可能是他當初只是想玩一玩,膩了就分。這時你要像主君一樣,在心里堅定的對他說“滾開”!除此之外,還有一個可能,就是他也想不明白,只是對你突然沒感覺了。這時候,你就要靠自己,自行創造一個更好的解釋。如果自己能找到一個合理的解釋是極好的。所以,如果不愛,那么從此相忘于江湖該是最好的選擇吧。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

    2 Comments On 他刪了我,我不說再見!

    1. 既然線已斷,何必牽牽念念,不如相忘于江湖。尊重別人的選擇,不要讓自己成為別人的負擔,也給自己一份釋然。選擇是別人的,生活是自己的

    2. 好聚好散,再見多了也就無所謂啦

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