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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    對于三觀不合的朋友,放棄才是最好的選擇

    2017-08-05 . 閱讀: 3,455 views

    赤道與北極:

    風墟先生您好,最近我和一個朋友產生了一些矛盾。?由于生活環境不同,我們倆的價值觀也不同。我更崇尚順應自然,而朋友則不這么想。

    最近有一次,我與他產生了很激烈的爭辯。現在回憶起來似乎話也說重了些。然后他就不怎么理我了。

    這件事也讓我產生了一些困惑。?因為人一生都在跟不同的人交友,沒有一個人的價值觀會完全與你相同。這是完全不可以避免的事情,所以說交到價值觀有差異的朋友應該是再平常不過的事了。

    我的困惑主要在于:遇到價值觀有差異的朋友,怎樣相處能減少沖突?因為將來這樣的朋友一定還會有,這次我已經失去了一個朋友了,我怕下次自己還是處理不好這樣的情況,又失去一個朋友。

    祝好!

    風墟:

    討論人與人之間的關系問題之前,首先要明確:人分為兩類。

    一類是懂得尊重每個人的不同看法,能求同存異,從不強迫和勉強別人和自己抱有一樣的觀點,在交往過程中能很好地把握彼此邊界的人。這類人很少。

    一類是不能求同存異,尊重其他個體的獨立性,一定要求對方和自己有一樣的三觀與認識的人。

    人與人之間的矛盾也分為兩類,一類是可調和的矛盾,一類是不可調和的矛盾。

    對于第一類人之間的相處,絕大多數問題都是可調和的;

    但如果是兩個第二類的人,或是一個第一類人一個第二類人,那么很多問題就會變成不可調和。

    像三觀這類問題,在大多數第二類人中,就屬于是「不可調和」的矛盾。

    我們每個人有了社會意識之后都存在著對世界的一定偏見,有些人能夠逐漸成熟,放下自己的偏見,或是意識到偏見的存在后能和別人求同存異。

    但絕大多數人都還是繼續抱持著這種偏見,我們就很難和其他抱持不同偏見的人友好相處。

    但問題是,我們交朋友不是為了做圣人,我們的最終目的是找到適合我們的朋友,而不是試圖和所有人都成為朋友。

    你交朋友的目的是什么?

    我想這個問題可能很多人都沒想過。

    雖然你的目的不明確,但你肯定能清楚你交朋友不是為了什么:你不是為了和一個三觀不同的人浪費口舌辯論誰的觀點更正確,你不是為了和一個令你不開心的人朝夕相處,你不是為了每天聽別人否定你的價值觀,還要被灌輸你不喜歡的思想。

    如果遇到價值觀有差異的朋友,怎樣相處能減少沖突?

    我的答案是:不和對方就價值觀問題進行交流。

    如果你們價值觀的沖突是客觀存在的,那么只要你們就價值觀問題進行交流,那么關系的沖突也就必然會存在。

    所以最好是雙方彼此尊重,不評判,不試圖說服對方。

    如果對方還非要要評判你,否定你,那么就沒必要再和這樣的朋友浪費時間。

    不和對方浪費時間并不是在暗示:我們的價值觀就一定比對方更正確,你的朋友“浪費”你的時間所以他更“LOW”。

    而是我們清楚,我們的朋友就像我們自己理所當然的認為自己是對的一樣、也認為他們自己是對的。

    價值觀之間也很難評判出優劣和好壞,所以,是「和別人進行三觀上的辯論」這件事情本身就是非常浪費時間的。

    所以對于這樣不合適的朋友,放棄才是最好的選擇。

    對于一個人而言,我們存活于這世上的時間并不算太長。沒有必要浪費時間去將就或者迎合別人。

    不是想著怎樣改變自己以去順從外界和別人,而是要先想著:怎樣找到我更喜歡的、更適合我的。

    無論是對人對事,這樣的一種觀念都能夠令你活得更為幸福。


    如果你也想通過這種方式獲得我的解答,請關注我的公眾號:風墟先生,ID:psyfengxu

    用500以內的文字描述清楚你的問題,從公眾號發送給我。

    不保證所有問題都能解答,但我定會力所能及的去幫助你。


    左岸記:

    你喜歡看書,他喜歡玩游戲。這不叫三觀不合。
    你喜歡看書,他說看書有什么用,不就是裝文藝嘛。這才是三觀不合。

    你喜歡去西餐廳吃牛排,他喜歡在大排檔擼串。這不叫三觀不合。

    但是他說那玩意死貴,還不好吃,說你真是做作。這就是三觀不合。

    你喜歡假期去各地旅游,他就喜歡宅在家里。這不是三觀不合。

    但是他說旅游有什么好玩的,不就是花錢遭罪嘛,躺在家里多舒服。這就是三觀不合。
    其實三觀一致,并不是要求你們完全一樣,而是彼此之間能夠求同存異,懂得包容和欣賞。
    否則,你跟他分享快樂,他覺得你在顯擺;你跟他傾訴難過,他覺得你是矯情。

    在婚姻中,外貌決定有沒有可能在一起,性格覺得適不適合在一起,物質決定能不能穩定的在一起,信任決定能不能長久的在一起。

    風墟

    微信公眾號:煉己者 id:fengxuwake 心理咨詢師,個人微信號接收付費咨詢:lianjizhe1874

    5 Comments On 對于三觀不合的朋友,放棄才是最好的選擇

    1. 好幾天沒看了,找到熟悉的感覺

    2. 你走的陽關道,我走我的獨木橋,沒什么大不了,沒有不散的宴席

    3. 三觀不合是怎么做成朋友的

    4. 左岸記的最后一句話打錯了哦,不是性格覺得適不適合在一起,應該是決定。

    5. 發現最后 左岸總結的最后一句最精辟哈!

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