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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    “直”敘這一年

    2016-01-21 . 閱讀: 1,556 views

    文/吱唔

    2015年過得感覺比過去的每一年都快了許多,茶酒二事、術業雙攻、身心兩修、家國同在,雖跌跌撞撞也步步趨趨。對外的惶惶征伐變作了對內的慎行慎省,對內的不時自滿也變作了對外的披荊探索,漸漸明白人生“負面清單”的妙處,三省吾身將缺點與不足圈在內心的標上常常征討,面對圈外大千世界則能多一分坦蕩從容,即使兢兢為念亦能 “一點浩然氣,千里快哉風”。

    過去這一年,有歡笑亦有悲傷,卻都隨著新年溫潤卻不失干練的陽光蒸騰而升,幻作蜃宇。循自己的舊例,用關鍵詞為2015年總結,腦海中毫無猶豫地浮現一個“直”字。

    一、志在棟梁

    在我們已知的三維宇宙觀里,日常感知中最無“曲折”的便是時間。即便我們主觀上覺得它或快或慢,它總是以一天24小時的速度汨汨流逝,甚是決絕。回憶自己十幾歲的稚嫩、二十幾歲的青澀,直至這三十出頭的立身解惑,前事不可追,均被時間的利劍刺破成煙。但是,時間的仁慈在于,前事雖羽卻能凝結風華——一個人此時此刻的所思所想、所觀所念,無不是過去所有逝去時間的凝練而已。正是基于這樣的認識,我才對過去釋然、對當下兢然、對未來充滿希望。

    于是,總結2015年第一個“直”,形變為“植”。人生一世,能過百年者寥寥,反觀村莊中的老樹千載風云也是亭亭玉立。人不能與樹木自然爭壽,但可以從這一棵棵挺拔的身姿上學習。即便是充滿收獲的2014年,我也沒有今天這樣的見識——過去那30年,如果把自己比作一棵樹苗,我想當然地認為成長就是汲取陽光積極向上本身,但我實際忽略了我身在苗圃的優渥環境。自樹種發芽、破土而出,到漸漸成長小有身姿,成長以其不可違逆的速度茁壯不已直到今天。技藝雖長、環境未變,我突然意識到,成長與成熟并不是一回事。成長的量變漸到成熟的質變,就像一棵樹苗,只有在離開了苗圃重新移栽和嫁接時才成為真正意義上的一棵樹。這次移栽是內心一種擔當的拾起和對舊時心境的一次告別。此后,依己所長或作茫茫大漠的胡揚,或作明明水畔的柳枝,或作皚皚北國的白楊,或作鄉野小路邊的一抹夏蔭。樹形雖異,但志在挺拔身姿成為棟梁。既汲一方水土多年,就要成材成蔭最終回歸一方水土。要回歸與反哺,首先就要自己先走出苗圃,先成為一棵真正的樹,同時從容坦然地面對此后風霜與雨露同在,閃電與陽光交明。

    二、兩滴眼淚

    年中的一天,與摯友溫茶敘舊,就有了第二個“直”字。那時和摯友聊到為人直率與否。我覺得,為人正直才是內心堅韌的根本,但如果僅僅認為人要直率而取正直而代之,也許只能做到內心堅強,但容易失去韌性。沒有了韌性,堅強容易變作脆弱,胸懷寬闊容易變得狹小偏執。是的,直率不等于正直,因為它的“直”少了兩滴眼淚。做直人易,做真人難。當直率敢言有時多了兩滴眼淚,便真誠溫潤,知道有時沉默的價值,以及真誠的沉默背后能夠有不必聲張的行動。真與誠相聯,在《禮記·大學》的“身修”之前,還有心正、意誠、知至與物格。做一個真誠的人好過做一個直率的人,因為直率也許尚未達到知至的境界,但真誠卻有意誠、心正的底氣。但是即便至此,也僅僅叩響了修身的門檻。

    這兩滴眼淚,可以是為同情弱者而流,也可以是為困苦悲傷而流,或是為喜極而泣而流。無論何時何境,心中兩行淚下,上頭的那個“直”便多了一些韌性。有韌性的,才能不拘于形態,真正長久。

    三、必慎其獨

    懂得了真與直的區別,要做到真,還需要有心。這一年,第三個“直”字是“慎”。正是《禮記·大學》中,對“誠意”的詮釋,“所謂誠其意者,毋自欺也。如惡惡臭,如好好色,此之謂自謙。故君子必慎其獨也。”

    2015年春節后,對全年的工作、學習、生活做了一個大致的安排。從5月份起,業余時間我把四件事框定下來,作為每天必須完成的鍛煉。一件是堅持讀書,特別是讀掉一些專業書籍;第二件是堅持游泳鍛煉,增強自己的體質;第三件是堅持每天記單詞,克服內心長久以來對英語的畏難情緒;最后一件是通讀《四書五經》,想為此后兩年再通讀《資治通鑒》打下文言和傳統思想上的基礎。時至新年,回顧這四件事,有欣喜也有愧疚。欣喜的是,每件事業余時間都在做,且做得越來越順手與充實,成為習慣。愧疚的是,讀書數量和速度已大大超過以往,卻如蝦兵蟹將、七零八落,與預想的目標相去太遠;想用大半年時間通讀的《四書五經》,卻僅僅把《論語》二十篇讀下大概。九部經卷,僅粗得其一。

    想來原因,還在慎獨不夠。也就在用心不夠,有些自欺欺人。有形的計劃,反倒成了自己無形的框線,讓自己囿于其中。反倒是堅持最好的兩件事,最誠其意。游泳源于每感體質下降、精力有限,于是堅持鍛煉成功撫平了身體上的疲憊;記單詞源于克服自己內心的畏難,意不在語言本身,于是日日堅持,所記下的單詞和所保持的學習狀態甚至超過過去在校讀書時。兩件事,做的無非是“惡惡臭、好好色”,而沒有技藝克伐的意氣。

    想想,雖最終收獲良莠有別,但是這一年里我利用業余時間做的這四件事其實都有志于保持良好的“慎獨”狀態。盡管有些粗淺,但我將它視為一個良好的開始。我常想,一個人只有自己面對自己的時間變得溫潤而豐滿,自己面對身邊人時,也才會真的溫潤和豐滿,不致于工于人前、惰于人后。那些精致討巧的薄殼面具,其實彈指即灰。

    四、雖曲亦直

    時間雖直,但人生必曲。直線的人生必然是無趣的人生。喜怒哀樂又是一年,但好在無怨。新舊交替以“直”作結,實際上大半功夫卻在“直”外。即使是比作一棵正在茁壯的小樹,除了自己向往陽光雨露之外,這一年里必須要銘記于心的是身邊有許許多多有心人,為我松土施肥,為我支竿抵風,為我裁枝剪葉。師長的信任、親友的支持、妻兒的貼心,甚至許多素昧平生的一面之緣,予我有意無意的幫助。這些幫助錯落在人生的軌跡中,婉轉悠長,是緣是絆。

    緣份雖有榮衰起滅,人生的牽牽羈絆卻是至死方休。這些充滿人情味的牽絆,盼我前行、助我前行。我不必去掙脫,只求在未來漫漫的征程中,能用我這一頭的真誠、堅韌與溫潤,傳遞給所有那一頭踏實與溫暖。

    又際新年,我愿挺直身板,繼續前行。

    直一年

    左岸記:喜歡吱唔這種簡潔有力的文字。在時間里不斷地成長,保持內心的溫柔,以真心,以實意,行正直人生,曲徑通幽。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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