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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    恐懼和欲望輪回,成功和失敗迭代

    2016-01-04 . 閱讀: 2,364 views

    黎明總是纖細和充滿變化的,點滴的漸變成就了太陽的升起,夜總是不知道怎么就黑了,黎明卻在每一刻的敏銳里,漸漸明亮。——題記

    你見過你城市的黎明嗎?

    因著自己是可以晚睡,不能早起的主兒,錯過了太多自己城市的黎明。前幾天,差旅間因為腸胃不好和蚊子的熱情,迫不得已爬起來瞎轉悠。

    夏天的黎明,霧氣一半是因為昨天的雨,一半是打掃衛生的揚塵。路燈忠于職守,跟有否人氣無關。透過霧靄照下來,雖然清冷,但還算明亮。昨天的雨已無痕,就剩了一點點洇潤,花草樹木倒是有點精氣神。

    偶爾的一輛車開過去,自由馳騁而響亮,睡眼惺忪的人開車和看車開過都有點遲鈍。黎明總是個躡手躡腳害怕打破寂靜,和爭先恐后制造喧鬧的時間,黎明前的黑暗開始反復的時候,燈次第的亮,食物的味道開始調戲夜的氣息。滿眼的物件開始清晰起來,步子不由自主的快些,黎明也就到了。

    黎明總是充滿欲望,不似夜已深沉時,每一盞燈的熄滅,都代表安靜多一些,哪怕背后是無窮的欲望和恐懼。黎明的欲望總是充滿競爭的,也讓人充滿危機感。渾渾噩噩里充滿恐懼,卻又充滿欲望,這個城市的黎明多么像我們的生活,也就是我們的生活。

    每一次的深夜晚睡,不代表我們多么的努力和忙碌,只說明惴惴里明知自己荒廢了一天。而每一次拒絕黎明里醒來詛咒黎明,是畏懼面對總是不滿意的人生,尋找一些逃避的理由。于是我們睡前充滿恐懼,醒來充滿欲望,睡前美夢如何不勞而獲,醒來千方百計逃避付出。命運不會驅趕誰,但時間會,時間對我們來言,不是我們得到了什么,而是我們得不到什么或是丟失了什么。

    黎明對誰都很公平,人卻把自己分類了:醒來延續昨天失敗的、醒來復制昨天成功的、醒來就為了跟昨天不一樣的、醒來就是被迫醒來被世界驅趕的、昨天壓根就沒睡的、醒來就是醒來不知道為什么睡為什么醒來的、醒不來或壓根不打算醒來的等等。

    人生說矯情了是翻越一座座山峰,雖然絕大多數時間你深陷泥沼。說直白了,無非是面對一個個的黎明,雖然絕大多數日子里你醒著和睡著差球不多。我們感受的欲望和恐懼差不多一回事,怕失去、得不到而充滿欲望,恐懼是因為你設計的、篤定的未來,永遠和現實不合拍。

    所以,我們擅于在深夜里思索和幡然悔悟,然后在黎明重新唧唧歪歪、老歌新唱。我們在鄙視欲望的時候學會審視自己,在深夜里決定重新來過,但在黎明時刻重新欲望滿滿;我們在恐懼里學會認識人生,在輾轉反側里明白自己的重要,卻在黎明到來的時候讓欲望迭代恐懼。黎明對這個世界而言是新生,對你來講是恐懼和欲望彼此輪回,成功和失敗交相代替。

    偶爾想,我們從不畏懼深夜,因為可以無限制的詰問自我、剖析人生,我們卻畏懼黎明,畏懼看似即將的成功和注定的失敗。成功總是即將到來的,失敗總是在所難免的,這基本是人生的背景樂,起碼是你自己喜歡無限單曲循環的。

    我們越接近成功的時候,不是等待成功的到來,卻是越恐懼失敗。要么我們假裝成功,可以堂而皇之的面對實際的失敗;要么我們制造新的欲望去涂改理想,然后就能既重新開始,還可以不確定我現在是成功還是失敗。

    我們打著渴望成功的旗號,重復每天失敗的游戲,夜晚來臨的時候警醒,黎明來臨的時候惺忪麻木。充滿渴寄,卻永遠不愿意開始行動,不在夜晚補給生命,而是消耗自己的氣息。在黎明里咒怨疲勞,不得不復刻再一次的失意。

    永遠別期冀和欲望和平相處,那是一場無窮的消耗戰,只單純因為你既渴望成功也畏懼成功。把欲望的達成和夢想的成功劃等號,骨子里你是想靠著成功去掩蓋你其他的失敗,于是注定在深夜里糾結,黎明前恐懼。如今的人,從來不害怕失敗,因為失敗永遠可以尋找到最合理的理由,而且成功課足夠多,可以無休止的學習復刻。我們總是躲避成功,因為成功需要你忘記欲望和恐懼,做你不得不的擔當,去驗證自己的人生。

    或該,黎明時的欲望少一點點,擁抱自己的清醒而不是畏懼這個醒來;對人生的恐懼少一點點,努力去經歷自己的人生而不是設計人生;不畏懼成功,也不畏懼失敗,不畏懼自己必須去做的、不去揣測這個世界。

    黎明總是纖細和充滿變化的,點滴的漸變成就了太陽的升起,夜總是不知道怎么就黑了,黎明卻在每一刻的敏銳里,漸漸明亮。

    恐懼和欲望

    左岸記:夜晚可以神游太虛,天馬行空,去經歷自己的無限可能;現實要腳踏實地,用自己的努力實現自己的心愿,讓夢想照進現實。

    德魯伊Druid

    德魯伊,70后。理工科碩士,喜歡寫作,職業經理人。 人入中年,攜妻帶子,止思踐行,與世界融洽、與自己坦然,充滿快樂生活的勇氣。 “質樸、靈動、喜悅、淡和”是為人生準則,“于人有用,于己有趣”是為人生標準。 文風以毀雞湯、靜心冥想、兒童教育、心理應用等見長。 著有: 《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版), 《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得 2》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版), 《沒走過的是路,走過的才是人生》(心智成熟心理學作品,作家出版社出版), 《在疲憊的世間任性的活》(散文雜文集,文匯出版社)

    1 Comments On 恐懼和欲望輪回,成功和失敗迭代

    1. 習大大說了,不要再睡那么晚了,

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