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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    想好了,我們就私奔吧!

    2015-04-27 . 閱讀: 3,282 views

    文/圖:韋宇教

    再過一月,又是烈日炎炎的夏季,柳絮飄飛,禁錮了許久的熱浪再次回歸。假如生命只剩最后期限,你會想起哪段時光?——題記

    在一個電閃雷鳴、大雨沖刷的靜寂的夜里,失眠,聽高曉松作詞作曲李曉東演唱的《關于理想的課堂作文》,吉他聲響起,悠遠而蒼涼,回憶如潮水般洶涌澎湃,腦海中放映著蒙太奇一樣的過去,就這樣朦朦朧朧地看見那個當初青蔥的自己,鮮活地聽見這些年不曾死去的內心的聲音。而這首歌,總是在某個記憶空白的時光軌跡里,喚醒我們如今為了生活而麻木了的心。

    七年了,大學畢業后漸漸疏于聯系,曾經熟悉的變陌生了,曾經陌生的更加疏遠了。那些稱之為同學或朋友的他們,如今散落在中國抑或是世界的不同角落。各自擠著各自的公交或地鐵,寫著各自的文案或未來,安撫著各自的男/女朋友、老公/老婆、紅顏/藍顏知己抑或是小三、小四們,微笑也好,失落也罷,我們都在紅塵的路上步履蹣跚,或亦步亦趨的行走著。

    得到他或她的消息只能靠聽說,聽說他有了溫柔可人的女友,聽說她遠涉重洋、終于過上了想要的生活;聽說他淪落了,聽說他圓夢了。聽說,聽說,各種聽說……網絡上偶有報道曾經逗留4年的母校如何如何,卻提不起興趣細讀,心里明白,隨著一代又一代學弟學妹們不可抑制地長大,時光已老,青春遠去,故事卻長新。

    青春遠去,故事卻長新

    手機通訊錄里的名字和電話越來越多,聯系的人卻越來越少;QQ每天都在閃,卻習慣了用鼠標點擊“忽略全部”;手機里的音樂越來越多,上下班路上、在天臺吹風的午后,以及失眠的夜里,聽的還是那么幾首……時光偷走了我們那些純真無暇的傻笑,狂傲不羈的青春,流光溢彩的幻想,海闊天空的志向,然而它偷不走我們塵封的心和琉璃的回憶。

    也許,在未來生命的某個驛站,或是一個暮靄沉沉的清晨,或是一個夕陽西下的傍晚,我們能懷揣著這些不曾幻滅的夢,懷一顆執迷不悔的心,寫一首后青春期的詩,然后燒給死去的始終緬懷的昨天。

    記得李宗盛在自己的演唱會上唱《愛的代價》時哽咽了,沒有唱下去;記得羅大佑和李宗盛合唱《愛的箴言》時,張艾嘉帶著感冒上臺擁抱了羅大佑;記得老狼在錄音棚里錄《青春無悔》時哭了,他說他想起了他和女友在北京八中校門口邊上的樹刻下的字;記得劉若英和陳升同時應邀參加侯佩岑主持的《桃色蛋白質》,節目中劉若英不顧形象地哭哭笑笑,在陳升面前,她始終無法控制自己的情緒;記得一個朋友告訴我他在觀看《哈利波特》最后一部首映時,當最后的字幕出現時,電影院里所有的人都不自覺地站了起來,然后掌聲雷動,往事和淚水淹沒了整個電影院。記得……

    我不知道也無法猜揣摩他/她們的淚水或舉動代表著怎樣的流年和過往,我只知道,那一刻有個叫“歲月”和“青春”的東西滑上了心頭,讓我們遍體鱗傷。

    在地鐵里看扎西拉姆·多多的《當你途經我的盛放》和《喃喃》時,我對自己說,有緣的人會看到,懂的人會懂。但散落天涯的你們不會懂,不必懂,也不能懂。其實,不懂的你們比那些不諳世事、那些不懂人情世故的人要生活得更好。因為你們懂得現實和夢想的距離,你們懂得塵世的繁雜和顛沛流離,你們懂得如何不顧對錯而抵達因果。正如慶山(安妮寶貝)所說,“不相信感情所代表的光,因為警惕和躲避背面的黑暗。所以,你只能理性而堅定地生活在這個俗世之上。”

    人生就像一場華麗的冒險,下一步永遠是未知。N年前,每當和人提及理想,我總是被人規勸活得現實一些。現實是柴米油鹽醬醋茶;現實是找一份收入不錯的工作,朝九晚六吃飽穿暖;現實是找個靠譜的對象生兒育女,平實而安逸的老去,卻不斷重復著別人的人生;現實是不能用清澈的內心看待世間的一切。

    經年流轉

    經年流轉,從童年到少年到青春遠去,我終于了悟曾經看過和珍藏的那些書,里面沒有顏如玉,更不會有黃金屋,那些發黃的書頁只是薄如蟬翼,弱似螢火,一點就燃,化成灰燼,如同我不再與人提及的理想。就算那些海子、徐志摩、顧城、村上春樹、海明威、杜拉斯、加繆、馬爾克斯們,坐在我的對面,告訴我生死纏綿,心如素箋,人世如煙。可我還是不能確定那些曾經癡迷的文字有多少力量,能不能幫我渡過名利浮華的此岸到達塵囂之上的彼岸。后來,后來的后來,不知道是哪個后來,我終于忘記了那些凄美迷離的唐詩宋詞,一路北上直至北京,雖沒洗盡鉛華,卻也陌上花開。

    忘了從什么時候起,我們生活在了一個看不懂的世界里。在這個桎梏盡卸的時代,什么都可以發生,而什么又都籠罩著花非花霧非霧的欲說還休的朦朧。鄭鈞在《私奔》唱到“把青春獻給身后那座輝煌的都市/為了這個美夢我們付出著代價/把愛情留給我身邊最真心的姑娘/你陪我歌唱/你陪我流浪/陪我兩敗俱傷/一直到現在/才突然明白/我夢寐以求/是真愛和自由”,然后白駒過隙,青春不再,歲月成河,對著相片,在回憶中或哭或笑,就像我們每個人曾經都擁有的純潔的心和天真的笑容,就像我們每個人都將擁有的一抔黃土和一塊墓碑。

    萬丈紅塵中,有沒有那么一個安靜的小角落,讓你可以丟掉所有的面具、偽裝、做作、紙醉金迷、歇斯底里和不堪重負,不用在乎旁人的眼光和想法,做真實的自己或是遇見另一個自己,管它憂愁還是快樂,管它孤獨還是幸福,管它云散還是花殘,管它雪消還是月闕,我們要的只是出離自己,遇見內心。

    終有一天,我們的青春終將獻給身后的某座城市,我們終將付出年華的代價,我們終將在某一首歌里盡情唏噓,我們終將化作沉默的火華麗的灰,我們終將訴一段身不由己的宿命。

    “當淚痕勾勒成遺憾/回憶夸飾著傷感/逝水比喻時光荏苒/終于我們不再為了生命狂歡/為愛情狂亂/然而青春彼岸/盛夏正要一天一天一天的燦爛”當我第一次聽五月天的《后青春期的詩》時,我對著書桌上厚厚的書本發了兩小時的呆,卻始終讀不懂歌中所要傳達的種種。

    身不由己的宿命

    當我有一天終于讀懂了它的歌詞,我卻聽到了站在北京銀泰中心64層的窗戶前的大頭面露死相地對我說:“我們放棄理想,很多時候,不是因為生活所迫,而是內心投了生活的票。”然后他做出越窗的動作,而我則拿起滿滿的一杯星巴克的抹茶星冰樂,像踢球一樣,對著他的賤嘴一個大腳就開了過去。

    大頭腦袋一歪,抹茶星冰樂刮著他的嘴角順勢飛出窗外。我急速奔向窗口,往外探出腦袋,看著高速下墜的抹茶星冰樂出神,心里只想著一件事:未來的某一天,大頭會不會就像這杯無法掌控自身命運的抹茶星冰樂,從某個高樓的天臺或窗口,一躍而下,然后我們從此陰陽兩隔,人鬼殊途。

    “哪一天你真要跳樓了,別忘了死前咱們還有一個擊掌為盟的‘私奔’的約定。”

    “嗯,我肯定會私奔的,就像我知道我肯定會厭倦和厭世一樣。但是,我只會帶著我心愛的姑娘私奔。而你,小陌,要活著,要好好的活著,好好的寫完我的故事。”

    在遍地鳥語花香的四月,我站在中國電影導演中心的天臺上,想到了那個“私奔”的約定,想到了大頭。只是我依舊不知道他是否跳樓了,依舊不知道他是死是活,依舊不知道他的聯系方式,依舊不知道他是否跟心愛的姑娘私奔在通往原罪抑或是救贖的路上。

    我只知道,私奔是旅行的一種浪漫的放逐,是追隨內心的琉璃的寧靜,是遇見自我的義無返顧。

    就像陶立夏在《島嶼來信》書里的珍珠島所說:“旅行的意義就在于,它允許我們錯誤的理解生活。在這種生活里,我們都是無須承擔的過客,是心情輕松的旁觀者,是滿心期待的異鄉人。我們心安理得,滿懷虛無縹緲的快樂與愁緒。”

    站在四月的時間中段,我已經不去想這一路追隨的是誰的旅程和怎樣的一個旅程。也許,若不問來路與去程,人生會容易和簡單得多。所以,那些你們,想好了嗎?想好了,我們就“私奔”吧!

    在路上,在各自的天涯,在下一個春暖花開的四月,我們會遇見最初的自己。不是嗎?

    清新淡雅

    左岸記:宇教的文字清新淡雅,人的故事化在情思之中,化在一首首歌里,看著柔軟,卻一直透著對生活的熱愛與堅強。

    如果生命只剩最后期限,我要告訴這個世界,謝謝這一生有你的陪伴。只有夢想永存心中,并為之奮斗,才有可能實現。奮斗的過程如歌亦如泣,夢想是踏著現實的足跡走出來的。我們不要把夢想埋葬在現實之中,我們要在現實中不斷地向夢想靠近。

    韋宇教

    韋宇教,品牌策劃師,媒體撰稿人,《樂途旅游網》/《搜狐旅游》專欄作家,《北漂期刊》特約作家,旅游達人,獨立攝影師。穿梭沉浮八年策劃江湖,煮字療饑,書無妄之語。偶做行者,在路上,用單反記錄生活印跡,用文字書寫時光細碎。回望素履之往,愿無歲月可回頭。有生之年,幸得所遇——QQ/278135479 微信/weiyujiao1985

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