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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    堅強強迫癥

    2015-04-21 . 閱讀: 2,965 views

    文/王丫米

    男人是這樣一種生物,他們能橫渡英吉利海峽,發明出google和facebook,把好奇號發射到火星表面,甚至可以單手換掉桶裝水,卻永遠也不會說出“我很脆弱,現在我需要一個擁抱”這樣的話。

    所以我小時候,一直認為從不表達自己脆弱的男人們,確實是地球上最強悍的物種。無論是永遠談笑風生的公務員老爸,還是永遠一臉嚴肅的數學老師,他們就像廣場上的石頭像那樣偉岸,讓人心安。

    成年之后,這種印象更加根深蒂固:公司遭遇嚴重的經濟危機,老板在會議室里還能握緊拳頭給所有人勵志;男朋友炒股輸掉了一半的資產,也只不過是在酒吧里喝上一晚威士忌。所以那時我對“男人哭吧哭吧不是罪”、“冰雨”這種怨男的歌,突然風靡卡拉ok十分不解。

    直到我從家庭主婦的身份轉換成了一個事業女性,作為一個不大不小的leder帶領團隊做項目,在很多焦頭爛額狼狽不堪時,卻咬牙逼自己戴上淡定的人格面具,連一個人獨處都發現不會哭,并被所有人稱贊堅強,打碎了牙也要笑著吞下去時,我才開始懷疑,那些強悍的男人們會不會和我一樣,其實不是真的堅強,而是患上了堅強強迫癥?

    為了證明這一點,我開始留意身邊看似強大的男人們,果然發現了不少端倪——在項目遇到巨大困難時,老板雖然依然淡定的部署江山,但他太陽穴上暴起的青筋暴露了他的痛苦;身居要職的高中同學離婚之后,雖然見面之后依然一臉笑容,但他的msn簽名可是從老子換到尼采甚至《肖申克救贖》的臺詞,全是自我勵志的名言啊!印壞了一萬本小冊子的供應商,在我這里呆若木雞,一臉沮喪,但接起老婆電話的瞬間,突然變的若無其事,聲若洪鐘……

    還有一些后院起火或者公司破產的朋友,雖然見面時他們彬彬有禮,談吐得體,但只要跑到他們從頭到尾咬牙切齒憤怒不堪全是負面新聞的微博上,就能明白了他們壓抑了多少情緒。

    發現這個事實之后,我的后背時常會升起一股涼氣:社會環境逼迫男人做強者,所以他們裝裝強大總是有好處的。可身為女人患上這種病,就意味著要承擔所有的責任,關愛別人,照顧別人,別人永遠也想不到我也需要關愛和支持,最關鍵的是,誰愿意娶一個堅強的女人回家呢?這真是一條萬劫不復的道路啊!

    可當我開始自我治療時,卻發現長期佩戴的人格面具不是說摘就摘的,當有些問題搞不定我開始焦慮和崩潰時,面對更焦慮和崩潰的團隊,總是下意識的隱藏自己所有情緒,佯裝平靜的去給別人解決問題,怎么也說不出:“我也很脆弱啊,我現在需要一個擁抱”這種話。

    于是在深夜里,我默默設想如果這樣說了的后果,想找出為什么做不到的原因。在想到他們錯愕的眼神和表情,我的自尊瞬間坍塌了時,我一下明白了,無非就是怕人覺得我不好嘛!大概只有扮演一個被人需要,無比強大的leader,我的虛榮心才會一直獲得滿足。但我損失的也清晰可見,缺少關愛,嫁不出去。后者可比前者嚴重多了。

    想通了這個,第二天開會時,我突然眉頭一皺,哭了起來,和我預料的相反,所有的人都來安慰我,沒有一個人嘲笑我。在那一刻我瞬間發現,做個真實的人獲得的好處,要比偽裝強大多得多。不知道我這個發現,放在男人身上是否適用,不過,who cares?畢竟別人裝成強者,對我們來說是件好事。

    堅強

    左岸記:改變往往是從承認開始的,承認它的存在,它的負面,然后自己想要做出改變。正如闌珊雨瀟下面所說的:

    人性的B面【2】

    讀了。。。。。。。呸,怎么老用這么俗套的開頭。好吧,重來。。。讀了左岸最近文章[人性的B面],有感而發,俺也想說兩句,所以俺來個2吧。沒有對作者文章的成見,只是個人的看法不同。

    挺巧的,想不到類似想法相同的人還很多,作者在對于人性的B面中,承認了人們都會有的問題,自私嫉妒等等等等。那我相信,這些人人都有,至于要怎樣去克服它,作者提到了,慎獨,自律,等關鍵詞。我也相信這是必須的。但是這不是最有效的辦法。舉個簡單的例子。我抽煙抽了將近20年,后來我終于戒掉了。期間,從百度戒煙吧,到慎獨,到自律,各種各樣的形式方法我都用過。都失敗了。為什么不行?原因就是從心理的角度講,從慎獨到自律都是在憋著自己。只要是忍著憋著。總有一天會釋放出來,釋放的結果有,復吸,[抽煙]復吃,[減肥]復喝,[戒酒]復色,[戒色]復B面,等等。成功戒煙只有一個因素,就是我不想去抽煙了,是我自己不想,我沒有慎獨,也沒有自律自己。就是一個簡單的不想。動力應該是看到了很多中老年每天早晨一醒來就咔咔咔的咳嗽個不停,所以。很自然的不抽煙了。我想,對于我們所謂B面的負面因素,在承認它的前提下,就是要用一種你自己認可的很自然的方法去解決它。克服它。給自己一個高度去想著。比如自我實現,比如心靈的歸宿,比如健康的身體等等,但有一點,不要忍著,不要自律,更不要強迫自己。越是強迫,越是背道而馳。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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