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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    還鄉,你還在那里嗎

    2015-04-09 . 閱讀: 2,528 views

    文/湯紀偉

    時值2008年的最后一天,我踏上了家鄉的土地。已經很長時間沒回家鄉了,一種難以言喻的親情油然而生。家鄉的土地裸露著原始的胴體,在薄如輕紗的冬陽里沒精打采。這時的田野不見金燦燦的油菜花,不見春夏的花紅柳綠,沒有了流水響、蛤蟆唱、蝴蝶飛,取而代之的是一塊塊纖細單薄的麥苗和田埂上齊膝深的枯草。我忽然覺得人一回到家鄉,往日城市的擁擠、浮躁、喧囂全部悄悄遠遁。一切都安靜下來,靜得仿佛能聽到自己的心跳。

    村莊很寂靜,仿佛回到太古時代,只有一二個人影在晃動,一條老水牛全身褪盡了毛,在不知誰家的門口懶懶地嚼著枯草。老遠就看見奶奶坐在老家大門口低頭曬太陽。走近了她還沒發現我。我沒有提前給她打電話,怕她夜里想我睡不好覺。人越老掛念越多。冬日的陽光打在她臃腫的身上。我叫了她一聲,她耳背沒應答,隨后抬起頭。那一刻,我分明看到了隱藏在奶奶臉上一道道皺紋中獰笑的歲月;那一刻我把奶奶從記憶的深淵中拉了回來。我相信歲月最終會把她打發掉。稍微意識一下,奶奶臉上露出一絲難得的驚喜,既而說:“回來了!看,又瘦了!”想站卻站不起來。我扶了她一把。她的腰被無情的歲月壓彎了。

    開始做中午飯,奶奶默默坐在灶臺下燒火。我想幫忙,她說什么也不肯。那是她的地盤,那是她坐了幾十年的地方。她懂得什么時候該用什么火候。洞悉火候,是一個鄉間女人一生的智慧。此時,我聞到了一股熟悉而又陌生的炊煙味道。我有些明白了,我回來就是為了尋覓這種混合著麥秸、稻草、玉米桿、花生秧的味道。一聞到它,就有一種難以言說的踏實感和依托感,所有的憂傷都煙消云散,只留下一片溫暖的情愫在心頭蕩漾。看我穿得單薄,奶奶想把她的棉襖讓我穿上;看我長得瘦,奶奶午飯下了兩碗米。她永遠擔心孫子在外面吃不飽穿不暖。雞下了蛋,奶奶平時舍不得吃,我回來特意炒了一盤。我給她夾了一筷,趁我不注意她又夾到我碗里。讓我感到欣慰的是奶奶的飯量一直未減。

    父母在外打工,父親兄弟一人,扔下奶奶一人在老家。老年人害怕寂寞,平日里一個人獨守院子寂寞孤獨,有時她就鎖了門,去東家串串西家串串,找人說說話,有時到吃飯時間還磨磨蹭蹭不愿回家。

    吃罷午飯,我在村里轉了轉,村子里沒什么人,老的太老、小的太小。童年記憶中拍翅的雞、蹣跚的牛、亂竄的豬、好事的狗、蹦跳的孩子、拾糞的老漢……?這些醉人的景象消失得無影無蹤。有幾家殘垣斷壁,大門緊鎖,門口衰草遍地,雜樹橫七豎八堵住大門。門上的對聯僅存殘片,字隱色褪。

    奶奶養了4只雞,3只母雞1只公雞。每天拂曉,雄雞用高亢的啼聲向度過84載風雨的奶奶報告她年邁的生命又迎來一次新的一天。白天母雞下蛋后,聲音急切地向奶奶炫耀,給奶奶呆滯而空洞的目光增添了些許生氣。有一天奶奶發現幾只雞找不到了。村前村后找了好幾遍也沒有。心疼得她兩頓未吃飯。最后雞自己回來了,她心里的石頭才落了地。

    堂屋被奶奶打掃的很干凈,墻上20年前我張貼的掛歷依舊,里面的明星青春依舊。只不過臉上掛了一層厚厚的蜘蛛網,有一種難以言喻的神秘和蒼涼。我感覺到了時間的古老,又體味著歲月的無情。

    晚上,盛情難卻,在一個打工剛回來的自家大哥家吃飯。在一起的還有打工剛回來的幾個同村人。我問他們答,簡單明了,有一句沒一句的,或者干脆就是“嗯”“啊”之類。飯菜端上來了,酒也滿上,我發現每當舉杯時我是主角,一旦酒杯落下,酒酣耳熱之際,他們無形中把我撇在了一邊。談論著今年的收成,倒閉的工廠,世道的變遷,鄉間的舊事……仿佛我成了他們的異類。我知道,一個從鄉村走出去的人,走得太遠時間太長,當你回來的時候,已經成了一個外鄉人。

    吃完晚飯,我趕緊回到老屋,奶奶沒睡,她在等我。老屋封閉的嚴實,還算暖和。她一邊給我縫補襪子,一邊有一句沒一句的和我聊著。奶奶從記憶的時光深處走來,嘴里的故事我聞所未聞,她有一搭沒一搭的,想到哪說到哪,自由散漫,間以咳嗽和吐痰的聲音。奶奶是目前全村最老的人了。和她歲數相仿的大都去世,所剩無幾。她所熟悉的那個村莊在逐漸消失,屬于她的往事被入土的人分批帶走了。

    其實,奶奶的老家是在百里之外。她30歲的時候爺爺就走了。軍閥混戰時期,她帶著父親和姑姑逃荒要飯到了現在的村子。看看還算平靜就住了下來,一直到現在。

    其實我知道,媽媽生下我和妹妹時都沒有奶水,加上她和父親忙著在生產隊干活掙工分養家糊口,早出晚歸。所以撫養我和妹妹的重擔就落在了奶奶的身上。奶奶把家里僅有的米和面熬成糊,一勺一勺把我和妹妹喂養大。我清楚地記得,小時候,冬天無數個夜晚,屋外北風呼嘯,大雪紛飛,我躺在奶奶溫暖的被窩里,一邊撫摸奶奶干癟的乳房,一邊聽她給我講過去的事情。奶奶那時教我的歌曲和童謠,我現在還記得。

    奶奶斷斷續續述說著活著的不易和艱辛……奶奶一直告誡我們一粥一飯當思來之不易,半絲半縷恒念物力維艱,并身體力行。吃剩的飯菜她舍不得倒掉,穿破的衣服也舍不得仍掉。別人家扔掉不要的東西,她怕我們看見,偷偷往回撿。父母打工走的時候,給她裝了部電話。我們隔三差五和她電話聯系。她不會打,只能接。她不想讓我們回,原因是回來時她高興臨走時又悲傷。不回去看看吧,奶奶就像掛在樹上熟透的果子,說不定哪天一陣風就給吹落了地。老年人看一回少一回啊!

    無邊的往事早已湮沒在歲月的滄桑里,此刻已是2008年最后一個夜晚。我坐在奶奶身邊,她從歷史說到現實,從苦難說到幸福,一直說到子夜時分。奶奶說著,不時費力地用她那雙操勞一生的僵硬的手指,將80多年的朝云暮雨抿進枯疏的發際。最后,在我的一再勸說下,她才去休息。

    我拉開門,獨自站在前屋的平房頂上,那是一個多么美麗的鄉間夜晚!鄉村上空繁星點點。一條銀河穿村而過,像鑲滿鉆石的玉帶。?不遠處高速公路上不時駛過汽車,傳來一陣陣轟鳴聲。

    元旦那天吃罷午飯,我在家鄉的老井給奶奶擔了兩挑水,就走了。我不讓她送,她就是不肯。我上了高速公路在對面等車,她就坐在另一側,眼巴巴望著我。西天的冬陽從奶奶側面照過來。她的臉處在半明暗中,但那種依依不舍的神情清晰可辨。大橋下的橋墩透出一種冰涼的氣息。起風了,風穿過奶奶的身體。風吹走了她的黑發留下白頭,吹干了她的皮膚留下皺紋,最后吹松了她的血肉和筋骨,留下一把老骨頭。

    我再三讓她回去,她一步三回頭,走走又轉了回來。她看著我不舍,我看著她揪心。

    公共汽車來了,我趕忙鉆進去,又忍不住從車窗往外看,奶奶站在一堆齊膝深的衰草里,拿袖子在抹眼淚。我突然感覺悲從中來,感覺到從未有過的蒼老,淚水從眼眶噴涌而出。

    還鄉

    后記:

    2012年5月,飽經滄桑的奶奶永遠閉上了雙眼,世界上最愛我也是我最愛的人走了。七月半那天,我回了趟老家。不到3個月,奶奶的墳頭上就已經被茂密茁壯的蒿草所盤踞。我跪在墳前為奶奶燒些紙錢,雖然她一輩子沒花過錢也不認識錢。當紙灰飛起的那刻,我潸然淚下。

    2013年,我獨自遠走他鄉,謀取生計。人在異鄉,每當落寞失意、孤立無助的時候,奶奶卑微的形象總在我心頭翻滾,苦澀而溫馨。我深知,我寫再多的文字,也比不上奶奶種出的一粒糧食飽滿結實。

    謹以此文緬懷逝去的奶奶,愿逝者安息,生者健康!

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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