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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    拖延癥和The Elephant in the Living room

    2014-04-30 . 閱讀: 5,527 views

    拖延癥(Procrastination),屬于時尚的東西。網絡時代你沒這個東西,似乎都沒法子證明你還活著。有病得治,但現如今,有些病在身上,反倒是一種可以發泄的理由,或是標簽的炫耀。

    想來這個年代,有病一定是社會迫害的結果,人生永遠是苦難交加,沒病都要找點病來感受一下。林妹妹好看不中用,但每個人面對自己,死拉硬拽也要扮演病人,就算別人不同情可憐自己,起碼自己能顧影自憐一下下。

    可惜到今天為止,這個拖延癥還是沒列入明確的心理或是生理疾病。自己想把自己裝進這個有病的圈子看樣子也沒戲。你高喊“我有病,我有病!”,別人倒是不會真以為你有病,最多覺得你沒病還要裝病,有點逼格低下;順帶笑話一下,裝病也要裝個學術認可的病,干嘛似是而非的找個拖延癥來裝點門面?

    據說拖延癥,無非是完美主義、抵制和敵意面對問題、覺得自己解決不了這個事情、解決了也怕別人說不好…叨叨來叨叨去,理想和現實的差距、別人的評價和自我的認定打起來了而已。不開始,就不會失敗,就不會得到結果,就可以尋找理由,就可以沒有別人的評價,就可以只計劃完美、卻不用擔心執行而出差錯,就不用竭盡所能調動力量,就不需要事情中的調整,就不會得罪人出現沖突,永遠不必擔心計劃不對、能力不足…

    理想太大,頭重腳輕,于是拉個拖延癥的遮羞布;夢想太大,24小時醒不了,只好窩在拖延癥的被窩里取暖?

    跟The Elephant in the Living room(客廳里的大象)有毛關系?

    沒人看不到客廳里的大象,卻有人真的可以熟視無睹,抱怨這個社會的虛偽是個生活的主題。虛偽的面對自己,卻沒人想著譴責一下。真知道拖延癥不是病,但得治的人,看到客廳里的大象了,又如何?

    要么先解決客廳里的大象,再去做其他的事情。起碼大象盤踞的地方有點大,他走來走去、吃喝拉撒的,還不受你的控制,你要安靜他要折騰,你要活躍害怕驚醒他,再打碎瓶瓶罐罐、碰到花花草草多不好。沒誰不知道最需解決的事情是什么,那就明確必須解決的問題,列最簡單的計劃,最低的完成標準,做掉他。不管過程如何,大象是沒了,最后最多是瓶瓶罐罐、花花草草壞了重修,臟了打掃而已。

    再不行,餓死這頭大象。很多看似重要的無以復加的事情,看似牽扯你生命和生活的東西,其實沒你想象的那么重要。做些其他的,只要不沒事還喂這個大象就好。在意的反面不是對立,而是漠視無視。告訴自己,這件事我不愿意做,我認為沒必要做,我也能承擔這個事情沒做的結果和責任。只要別總覺得,客廳是因為大象的存在而存在,大象死了,客廳都塌了。

    要不就擴展客廳,讓大象占據的面積相對值減少。更多的工作,更多的空間,更多的愛好,更多的與外界的聯系。更多的點滴的計劃、執行、調整、結果,慢慢你就發現,小事情你不拖延,大事情自然就沒有拖延之說。小到每天按時早餐,定時飲水,必讀10頁書,每天必打掃房間。大象害怕潔癖,他一定會龜縮。

    終極殺招無非一個,成為大象殺死大象!你看著大象別扭,你成為大象會怎么樣?拖延只是因為你覺得這個事情跟你無關,或者起碼可以尋找理由這個事情和你無關。你做了大象你一定會覺得客廳太小,身材太臃腫,環境很惡劣。那就瘦身,那就改變。讓自己成為問題本身,永遠不要做問題的旁觀者。當你成為問題本身,你就明白,完美不完美,些微的改變就是喜悅。也就明白,不管別人如何評價,你既然是大象本身,也就只能做一頭更可愛的大象而已。

    再過分些,既然拖延不是病,變態、自虐總算是病吧。那我就是變態狂自虐狂,我就要等著最后一刻再干掉大象,我喜歡焦慮我喜歡壓迫感,我喜歡虐待自己,喜歡自己變態的跳來跳去。還可以以此堵住所有選擇的機會和別人的唧唧歪歪,還可以不調整,還可以不追求完美。玩把心跳,樂于刺激,只要玩不死,我就繼續享受。有開始和結果就不是拖延,最多算個深井冰。

    不要奢談當下,因為昨天在那里;不要糾結果,因為因在那里;不要追求答案,因為問題在那里。

    于是乎,拖延不是病,害起來要人命。客廳里總是有大象,跟是否拖延無關,只要別把他當寵物或是神位就好。。

    拖延癥的工作過程

    左岸記:拖延,該是最厲害的拒絕吧,如果那件事你不想做,那么一開始就要拒絕。拖延癥被視為“以推遲的方式逃避執行任務或做決定的一種特質或行為傾向,是一種自我阻礙和功能紊亂行為”。單純的做事拖拉或是懶得去做,只能定義為“拖延”,也僅是一種壞習慣,改正它并不難。當“拖延”已經影響到情緒,如出現強烈自責情緒,強烈負罪感,不斷的自我否定、自我貶低,伴生出焦慮癥、抑郁癥、強迫癥等心理疾病時,才能稱之為“拖延癥”。

    寫過東西的人都知道:真坐下去寫,猶豫和斟酌的時間居多,敲鍵盤的時候少。人會不斷給自己找理由:沒找到節奏感啦,沒靈感啦,不滿意啦,如此云云。
    而且靈感這東西,確實不易得;許多時候,寫著寫著,自己都恨:清湯寡水,什么破文章?!

    張佳瑋公子有個法子,可以克服拖延癥,如下:
    每天,趁閑著發呆時,想你最想寫的東西。想出一句話,最真實最簡單的一句,或者一個最簡單的意象,然后延伸,把它及其周遭的東西,組織得很美。
    但不要急著寫,就在肚里擱著,來回醞釀著,把這一段前前后后的都想圓潤了,想得你覺得不吐出來不舒服的時候,就可以開始寫了。
    這一寫,不能停手,就寫到你高興了為止,在最高興的時候停下來,想好下面的一句話不寫,留著。
    這就像評書留個扣子,明天好寫。

    拖延不等于兩手一攤,什么都不做。愛拖延的家伙們極少什么都不做,他們的確會做些略微有用的事,比如做做園藝啦,削削鉛筆啦,畫個重新整理文檔的簡圖以便自己有空時去收拾啦什么的。為何拖延者們愿意做這些呢?因為做了這些,就可以不去做那些更重要的事。而如果他們的待辦事項里只剩了“削鉛筆”這一件,那么天底下就沒有任何力量能夠促使他們拿起削筆刀了。拖延人士完全可以積極有效地處理一些有難度、時效性強的重要任務,只要他們可以借此逃避去做更重要的事。

    結構化拖延法正是利用了拖延者的這種心態,為某人必須完成的那些任務梳理出一個結構來。你把自己想要完成的事按重要性列個清單,在腦子里想想也行,或者專門寫下來也可以。你甚至可以稱之為自己的“優先級清單”,把看起來最緊急、最重要的事排在最前頭,但也要有些其他值得一做的事位列其后。于是,完成后邊這些任務,就變成避免去做清單最上方的任務的一種手段。借助于這種排列得當的任務結構,拖延人士就變成了有用的人!

    德魯伊Druid

    德魯伊,70后。理工科碩士,喜歡寫作,職業經理人。 人入中年,攜妻帶子,止思踐行,與世界融洽、與自己坦然,充滿快樂生活的勇氣。 “質樸、靈動、喜悅、淡和”是為人生準則,“于人有用,于己有趣”是為人生標準。 文風以毀雞湯、靜心冥想、兒童教育、心理應用等見長。 著有: 《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版), 《不曾孤獨,怎會懂得 2》(散文雜文集,作家出版社出版), 《沒走過的是路,走過的才是人生》(心智成熟心理學作品,作家出版社出版), 《在疲憊的世間任性的活》(散文雜文集,文匯出版社)

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