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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    等夏就好

    2014-04-18 . 閱讀: 3,789 views

    文/左藍

    觀其文,思己心,往事歷歷在目,達然相望焉。

    一、鶯花猶怕春光老,豈可教人枉度春

    1

    我還記得小的時候,春天很快樂,下雨也很快樂。這個時候,正是細雨綿綿的季節。有時候,我跟著媽媽去菜園里拔草,種辣椒。有時候,奶奶也在。其實,真正拔的草并沒有幾顆,就那么小小的一片土地,哪里經得起我一個下午反復的踩踏。

    最后的結果是,草拔的東一塊西一塊,甚至有的時候把菜也拔了。哈哈,媽媽也會裝腔作勢地訓我,可是我也只是當時低頭認錯,并不放在心上。我想,我某些時候的厚臉皮,大概就是從小練就的吧。

    那時候,下雨天也是美麗的。小小的身子披個大大的雨衣,跌跌撞撞地走在田埂上。我們家的菜園就在一條小渠旁邊,每次回家前奶奶也會說,要下去洗洗腳,穿好鞋。很久了,我很難再找到那種真正腳踏實地的感覺!現在常常穿著或細跟或粗跟的高跟鞋,穿行在這個斑駁陸離的城市,美麗是美麗的,只是......

    2

    春天是播種的季節,每年的春天,媽媽在菜園里灑下各種菜種子。其實更多的時候,是奶奶在做這些事情。媽媽和爸爸總要在春天里種下我們那里的特產——黃煙。

    我們家的菜的種類并不多,種的也晚。小時候常常為不能在最早的時候吃到最新的菜而慪氣。家里會做的小吃也不多,像南瓜醬、番薯干、炸酥餃這些做工比較精細的小吃,我家都是沒有的。所以,一直都現在,每次聽到哪位老友那里有南瓜醬,都會特別特別的抵擋不住誘惑!

    3

    家里的夏天,蚊子都會唱歌。夏天到來的時候,村里的夜晚就格外地歡騰!人聲、鳥語、蟲鳴;夏天的白天那么長,總覺得有數不盡的歡樂!歡樂太多了,何來愁滋味!

    就著溫暖的月光,和媽媽和奶奶圍在院子里擇春天種下的菜,小時候我的嗅覺還特別的敏銳,可以清晰地分辨出每個菜獨特的芳香!一直到現在,那些年夏天一起打蚊子、一起擇菜、一起等飯吃的情景,隨時都可以化成一段精彩的視頻,隨時準備現場直播亦或是精彩回放......

    4

    我的房間在2樓。每次站在2樓的窗前,都可以看到外面一大片的田野。在粵北那樣的一個山區,能有一整片那么平的田野,真的是上天難得的恩賜。我就這樣,在每一個一樣又不一樣的白天和黑夜里,欣賞著小村四季的變幻。光陰流逝,歲月無情的洗禮,我終于長大了,再也不會有“少年不識愁滋味”那樣的好日子了!

    二、要在傷痛里看見愛

    這真是一個悲傷的小標題。把自己的生活過渡在漫無邊際的悲傷里,確實不是我的風格!細細一想,我畢業出來工作竟然都快3年了!

    我今年24歲。24年里,我談過2次戀愛,失過1次戀。但是如果有人問我,愛是什么,我想我是回答不出來的。愛是什么,我確實不知道。我只是,更清楚我想過一種什么樣的生活。在每一個平凡的日子里,我總是會想起從前的許多人,許多事情。我并不打算把那些快樂的或痛苦的記憶都忘掉,因為那是唯一能證明,我至少曾經擁有的證據。

    小時候,家里的天地總是那么寬,那么廣。有時候我也會獨自走到爺爺的墓前去拜一拜,每次從奶奶的墓前經過,也會獨自說上一些話。不知道別的孩子會不會也像我這樣,應該很少吧。

    我一直覺得我應該是某個佛教的教徒,有著最虔誠的信仰。我相信因果報應,我更害怕犯錯了后受到懲罰,所以每次在奶奶墓前都會數數自己說過的謊犯過的錯,并希望取得奶奶的庇佑和原諒。

    我希望,平安健康地長大,并能擁有一個幸福完美的未來!

    三、腹中天地寬??常有渡人船

    理想,我很有自己的理想。我愿意承認:我是一個依附理想而生存的女漢子!哈哈,其實這兩年,我一直有件事,讓我耿耿于懷。那就是,我已經失去了一個朋友。或者說,我放棄了這個朋友!

    很經常做夢,也會夢見小時候的一些事情,偶爾夢里也會有言辭犀利的場景。每次做了這樣的夢醒來,我總是很遺憾很失落的。但是,我也從來沒有想過要回頭。因為,我知道,再也不能像以前那樣好了!隔閡太深,有過太多的誤會,從一開始的不被相信,到最后再也不想解釋,不愿意忍讓,我選擇,帶著這些記憶到老,直到死去。

    后來,我長大了,一年里,總在期待夏天的到來!我的內心總是缺少了陽光的,只有像夏天那樣灼熱的太陽,才能溫暖我寒涼的內心!也只有夏天那樣炙熱的季節,才符合我對人生轟轟烈烈最后歸于平淡安寧的向往。

    我的夏天,等你來。

    初夏

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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