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    → 左岸讀書,一如既往。

    失望,心情糟透了?

    2014-04-15 . 閱讀: 12,344 views

    文/cassie

    這么簡單,他怎么就做不好?……生氣

    說了這么多次,他怎么就是不聽我的話呢?……郁悶

    他怎么能這樣對我呢?……傷心

    想象這些經常發生在自己身上的心情吧,因為對別人的失望而引發自己情緒變得糟糕,而糟糕的心情又引發自己做出一些徒勞無益的行為,打罵孩子怎么不聽話,責怪員工效率低下,對著家人無端發火。

    它們在你的工作和生活中不斷上演,更糟糕的是,這些情況看上去并不沒有會消停下來的意思。

    怎么辦呢?難道任由它們繼續下去影響自己嗎?

    應該怎么解決這種問題呢?

    在解決這個問題之前,先來看看自己的思維方式。可以用如下的句子:

    我希望他__________(你對他的期望),但他________(實際的行為) ,我很失望,于是心情(變得)__________。

    舉個例子,你讓你的助理做一份工作報告,但是好幾天了過去了,他沒有向你遞交報告。用這個句子造句的話,就是:

    我希望助理能及時向我反饋工作報告,但好幾天過去了,他還是沒有反饋給我,我很失望,于是心里很生氣。

    看出來了沒,引發你失望的不良情緒的“罪魁禍首”是因為他的行為沒有達到你對他的“期望”。那么,你有沒有想過為什么對方達不到你的期望呢?可以問問自己三個問題:

    1、他知道你對他的期望嗎?

    很大部分人的期望都是自己心中內定的,有點想當然地認為對方是知道的。但其實大部分的人可能根本毫不清楚。

    對方畢竟不是你肚子里的蛔蟲,能知道你想什么。最好的辦法,是直接告訴對方你對他有所期望。

    2、你的期望足夠的明確具體嗎?

    排除一部人沒有告訴對方期望,還是有一部分人將期望告訴了對方,但是對方的行為還是沒有達到你的標準,這種情況下,原因之一可能在于你并沒有將你的期望具體告訴對方。譬如,你希望生日時收到男朋友的禮物,最終你也收到了他的禮物,你還是失望。因為什么呢?你可能并沒有具體告訴他,你喜歡什么樣的禮物(哪怕是暗示性的)。因為他不知道,于是送了一個你不喜歡的禮物。當你收到的禮物并不是自己喜歡的時,自然就會失望了(下次叫人家怎么送呢)。

    這種情況下,你需要將你的期望表達地越具體越好。

    3、對方認同這個期望嗎?

    還是上面這個例子,你男朋友明確知道你的期望——你希望他送你一顆鉆戒,但你男朋友沒有送鉆戒。可能有兩個原因,第一,他覺得送鉆戒不大合適,于是就沒有買鉆戒。第二,這個禮物高于他的承受能力,他買不起。于是當你看到他買了其他禮物時,你失望了。

    所以,事先盡量跟對方確認一下,你的期望他能否接受?如果對方能同意,那是最好的了。如果他無法認同,那么你需要結合他的想法對這個期望進行一些修改來得出一個共贏的期望。

    綜上,關于期望這件事,你需要做的事情是:

    1. ?告訴對方你對他有所期望。
    2. ?明確表明你對他的具體期望是什么。
    3. ?征求一下他的意見,看他是否認同你這個期望。如果他不是認同,那就需要找一個雙方都能接受的方案。

    可以用一句話來向對方表達你的期望:

    我希望你__________(具體期望),你覺得可以嗎?

    更重要的是,關注對方。?

    當你對別人期望時,反過來,你有沒有關注過對方的期望或者感受呢? 譬如:

    當你在責怪孩子沒有考好的時候?你是否有想過,他對你的期望是什么。考試考砸了,他是不是也很難受呢?

    當你批評下屬沒有按要求完成業績時,你有沒有想過,可能他也在埋怨銷售目標太高了。沒有達成結果,獎金也沒有了,他是不是很沮喪?

    當你責怪男朋友沒有給你送禮物時,你是否知道他整整一個禮拜沒有休息好,打工攢錢,就為了給你買這份禮物?

    你真的知道嗎?

    有的時候,拋開這些我們在意的東西,或許我們更需要關注的是了解別人,理解別人。

    他為什么會這么做呢?

    他的心情是如何呢?

    我知道他的期望嗎?

    當你能夠做到關心別人勝過關心自己,就不會有任何的失望了。

    情緒

    左岸記:這是很好的情緒管理方法。很多人會說,道理明白,但是做不到。其實能夠明白道理,總比不明白好,明白,是做到的前提,不明白,未必就能誤打誤撞地做到了。現在想不通、做不到,并不等于以后做不好,情緒上的阻塞去掉以后,人也就會變得明朗起來,這需要時間、需要一個過程,道理先懂得了,就是一個知識的儲備,用到的時候,終究可以派上用場。

    左岸

    愛讀書,愛生活!

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